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Our older son moved out at 18 to go to college and went to the military after that so my job was complete as far as parenting and being responsible for him. Our younger son is 26 years old and has Down syndrome and now he is showing signs of wanting to move out and be like most others. I think that wanting independence is a natural thing and that is what I was always building toward. Obviously, the parents won't live forever so it is important that the children don't continue to heavily rely on the parents. There are some situations where the relationship is beneficial but I betting that most situations aren't but are trying to shaped to look like they are to avoid embarrassment. Obviously, it is the choice of those involved even if one side is taking advantage and/or being abusive. I just always saw parenting as getting the little ones ready to stand firmly on their own two feet so that they could try pride in that just as I had done.
I'm 21 years old and I have no plans on moving out of the house. Ever. Why? I don't believe in this whole idea of kicking kids out just to kick kids out. Some cultures, especially Hispanic and Asian cultures, believe in multiple generations living at home even after the child has married and had children.
Now before anyone accuses me of being a "dud", I work two jobs (yes, TWO), just got a promotion at one of my gigs, I am now upping my hours to 20-28 hours/week AND I go to school part-time. I also help my mom with my younger brothers and chores. I'm hardly a "slacker."
I plan on staying at home with my mom even after graduation, help her pay some bills and put my younger brothers through college as well as continue with grad school. When I am ready to have children, I still plan on staying home. My mom says she would be more than happy with providing "free" daycare services in exchange with continuing to help her pay bills and such.
That's what I call teamwork.
I agree.
I too, don't get this "I'm kicking my kids out at 18". I think that is a horrible thing for a parent to think to want to do. My sons were going to college to better educate themselves for a better life, I certainly wouldn't expect them to have to worry about paying rent and utilities. My Mother didn't "kick us out" either, we went to college and got full time jobs, then moved out and carried on with life.....
My sons have all since graduated college and moved out, but at their decesion. I loved having my sons live with me. they are my children, no matter what age. I raised them to be responsible young adults, I did my job....
To me, it sounds so "trailer park" to even think, I'm gonna kick my kids out when they turn 18.......
I can only decide for my own family. Two of the kids can stay as long as they are in school or otherwise working toward a responsible future (working full-time, saving money, etc.). And of course they can come back in a crisis--that's what families do. But they will not be living with us indefinitely with no job or school or plan. Our third child is disabled and will probably live with us or in a group home all her life. Of course she is held to a different standard.
I can only decide for my own family. Two of the kids can stay as long as they are in school or otherwise working toward a responsible future (working full-time, saving money, etc.). And of course they can come back in a crisis--that's what families do. But they will not be living with us indefinitely with no job or school or plan. Our third child is disabled and will probably live with us or in a group home all her life. Of course she is held to a different standard.
I too, don't get this "I'm kicking my kids out at 18". I think that is a horrible thing for a parent to think to want to do. My sons were going to college to better educate themselves for a better life, I certainly wouldn't expect them to have to worry about paying rent and utilities. My Mother didn't "kick us out" either, we went to college and got full time jobs, then moved out and carried on with life.....
My sons have all since graduated college and moved out, but at their decesion. I loved having my sons live with me. they are my children, no matter what age. I raised them to be responsible young adults, I did my job....
To me, it sounds so "trailer park" to even think, I'm gonna kick my kids out when they turn 18.......
I agree.
I don't understand the point of even having children if one plans to just kick them out as soon as they are "legal." To me, parenting is a lifelong responsibility, and people who see it as an "18-year sentence" have no business having children.
That being said, I don't believe in bumming off parents. As soon as I was done with high school, I started working at McDonald's and then I went to college. Now I'm working in my desired field of study, making great connections at two hospitals and I'm saving up and contributing to my tuition. My mom knows that if she needs help with bills, she is free to take money out of my account.
I think it is a parent's duty to give their child the best chance at life that the parent can afford, and kicking them out at 18 or on graduation is the bare minimum, imo.
...the kids can stay as long as they are in school or otherwise working toward a responsible future (working full-time, saving money, etc.). And of course they can come back in a crisis--that's what families do. But they will not be living with us indefinitely with no job or school or plan. ...
This is how I feel. I only have one son; he recently (just within the past month) graduated college. We're currently in the transition period of him coming back home, finding space for all his "stuff" and deciding where he'll be helping out around the house. He's currently seeking employment and considering Grad School. I can't say I'll be happy when he's completely moved on/out, but my door is ALWAYS open for him to return if he ~needs~ to.
I see no reason to set a "cut off and out of my home" for my children or my grandchildren and I always have room for them to return if need or desire be..I may be called old fashioned, a mother hen or whatever suits the one making a judgement on my life, but what goes on between myself and my family is our business and no one walks in my shoes except me.
My family knows that I will be here in love, support and a home for as long as I breathe. And yes they do come and go and one grandson is 30 years old and disabled. I would never send him away just because I want "my own life"..He and the rest of them are my life
Also have 2 other grandsons 20 and 21 who are in college and preferred to stay home (my home) rather than join the dorm crowd.
Oh, and my son stayed until he was 22 and two of my daughters come and go as life deals them hard knocks with low paying jobs..
Last edited by Miss Blue; 01-04-2013 at 10:29 AM..
Given today's economic climate, it's not uncommon for young adults (20's and 30's) to live at home. As long as all parties are comfortable with the arrangement, then I don't think it matters what age the "child" is.
I agree with you.
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