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I am a 68 male with 2 engineering degrees and an MBA.
I have 2 daily outfits:
1. Before shower: yesterday's undies, yesterday's golf shirt (my favorites have logos from defunct high-tech companies), ratty shorts.
2. Post shower: today's undies, today's golf shirt, cargo shorts or blue jeans. If below 10F, I might wear a flannel shirt over the golf shirt.
If I go out, I put on Crocs. Socks only if really cold and wet.
I "dress up" when my wife orders me to and she puts the clothes out for me on the bed.
Comfort and reducing selection decision making win for me.
Well, as a life long engineer with exactly the same propensities, I can tell you that you all have pretty much missed the mark. The real answer is that it is not high enough on his "worth worrying about" list, so he auto pilots to what is comfortable. If you want him to wear nicer (but they still MUST be comfortable) clothes for appointments, etc, all you have to do is lay them out before hand. I have a closet of nice and comfortable clothes. My wife of over 20 years STILL can not understand why Inwear the same ratty jeans, sneakers and sweat or tee shirts all the time. Yes, they are the MOST comfortable, but that is not the reason. It really NEVER occurs to us to differentiate what must be worn when/where unless it is a defined habit. I wear pressed shirts and khakis every day to work. When I get home, I change out of them to jeans and a t-shirt plus a sweatshirt this time of year. The habit of what to wear is how we cope with the senseless "fashion" that we really could care less about. There is no "habit" for the occasional outing like a Dr appt, or casual lunch out, or going to a movie. As long as it's comfortable we will wear it. The problem is we will also wear nice clothes and end up doing yard work or working on a car in them. They are clothes. Unless they are impractical or expensive, which any engineer will react to, it doesn't occur to us that they could not be used just like other....clothes.
Also, every engineer I know likes to wear t shirts with sayings on them. My wife hates them, but has learned to accept that. Since the OP knows other engineers wives, I'm surprised she hasn't learned what it takes, but maybe its a non engineer woman thing. Accept it. At 77, he's not going to change. Heck, at 59, I'm not going to change. When my wife asks "How, after being married for over 20 years, have you not learned this?", I always answer "Exactly!" . Yet she still doesn't get it.
I totally relate to this.
I have nicer clothing. I have older worn clothing. I rarely think about it.
If we are going out together for some event, as my Dw changes clothes, then I will change mine also.
But if I have errands to run before a meeting I will go the whole day in work clothes. A number of times, I have been in board meetings when I noticed that I have had pig shyte on my pants [left over from feeding them that morning].
NK, I know this is a sore spot for you, but this would not be a battle I would fight.
I am a woman, but truly couldn't care less about what my significant other wears as long as they are clean. I wouldn't want someone who was fussy about dressing, but that is just me. I live in my jeans, and couldn't care less what anyone else thinks.
There are so many more important things in life, e.g. does he treat you well, do you have a good life together (apart from this issue), is he a good man, does he keep his word, is he gentle with the dogs, do you trust him, etc. I think it is awesome that he dresses up when he goes out with you. If people treat him differently when he "dresses down", then that is their issue, not his. I think it is great that he has the self-confidence to be himself.
I will say- with all love in my heart and no offense to anyone- that in my experience, engineers tend to operate on a whole other level than the rest of the world; they just have a different reality
I own no fewer than 65 - 75 long sleeve shirts (every designer represented), 35 - 40 pants, 15 jackets, 15 sweaters, 22 pairs of shoes, 8 suits, 35 neckties, 10 pairs of cufflinks, 8 hats ... you get the picture.
You have to understand, I am a gay man ... style is important to me.
I certainly do appreciate the remarks. As to why I think he is hurting himself, I think and he knows he gets better service and respect from the general public but specifically from servers and cashiers and clerks when he is neater looking. I certainly don't expect him to wear a tie (I don't think he even has any more!).Just look a bit "fresher" and not so downtrodden.
We have 2 teenage girls (adopted) at home still and he often is out with them and I'm embarrassed for them. Again I have to say nobody in this family is a slave to fashion. All of us dress for comfort and we are very relaxed.
As to the suggestions that I throw out his clothes--oh man!! That would not go over well. I would never even consider that and I would be furious if he decided to do the same to me. Such an invasion of privacy and it is manipulation to the max.
I never make a big deal out of it and never criticize him in front of the kids. In fact yesterday I so wanted to suggest he change his clothes when he was on the way to the doctor but held my tongue. I've decided if I'm not with him to let it go.
And yes, engineers are an interesting and challenging breed. Their minds work in very strange ways. It is always a hoot to get together with other wives of engineers to compare notes. Some of the stories are hysterical and most of us have learned how to go with the flow.
It only matters if he cares about the difference in how he is treated based on how he's dressed. I almost never dress up and I get good service.
My father was an engineer. He did migrate his way up to upper management over the years, but he is still first and foremost an engineer. And I will still never get over how he has to dress up even at home.
No retired person should have a dry-cleaning bill. But he does.
Not to mention always eat at a table that is set properly. Or eat pizza and french fries with a knife and fork.
Me neither, but when I find one thing I like I buy it in every color. Hence I've been wearing most of the same stuff for 15+ years.
I am also beginning to think I might have been an engineer in a past life...I fit right in with the mentality and style.
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