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My two cents.......I do think OP's coworker was rude in the way she continued to question OP, considering it was his first day. Seriously, there is a time and place to be very curious or try and impose one's thoughts on others. I myself would have been secretly mildly annoyed with the coworker if I were in OP's place.
Having said that, personally I would have shrugged off that conversation especially on the first day of a new job when I am sure there would be other things that would command higher priority.
I am a minority , have been a minority all my life and I have lived in different parts of the world. I have faced blatant racism, racial profiling and passive aggressive racism ...infact still do. Yet, racism is not the first thing that comes to my mind when I read OP's experience.
So yes OP, in a fair world, people like you and me (who are in the minority), should not have to face presumptive comments that may be offensive............but the world isn't fair in general ! My point is, its not worth being this sensitive over such conversations. Make a mental note about her ignorant nature and move on.
playing off stereotypes, if i asked a white male how small his penis is, he would report me to HR.
why can't this guy do that with this white lady playing off stereotypes and annoying him?
Well if people are so egoistic & sensitive that others have to walk on egg shells around them, they should not live in a diverse country like usa. Move to a place where everyone looks similar so no one has to ask where they are from. But wait, even in such places lots of internal conflicts exist (like different religions, denominations, dialects, status, etc.) so such people should tighten their space even more & socialize only with immediate family members who share the same dna & love, respect each other unconditionally. But plenty of conflicts exist within families too because of strong personalities, control & generation gap. So the only solution is shut yourself in a home & never leave to avoid getting your feelings hurt by this evil, conniving world that will do everything in its power to offend sensitive souls
I am not rich to be able to shutout the world completely so I will have to go out & face the world to earn a living. Its not that I will be treated with 100% respect & tolerance within my own kind either so why not earn money by working with a diverse crowd & face the stereotypes with some clever wit & humor? I am not going crying to mommy (HR) for every little joke my friends/coworker makes at my expense. I will get them next time with a stereotype that fits them & they will take it in stride, just like I did.
I'm white, my husband is white/Polynesian/Asian. Having a mixed race family has given me a view of racism that I wouldn't have had if I were in an all white family. For one thing, I've learned that there is a lot more racism than most white people realize. We've lived in many states including the Pacific Northwest, which was quite racist. For instance, my husband was refused service in two stores. We were yelled/sworn at when our family was at the zoo. In an eastern state, our neighborhood HOA had a contract with a lawn service that sprays for weeds, but if you are not white, then they don't put your name on the list and don't tell you there is a list, so you don't get the deal, which was $15/mo. instead of $45/mo. This is the "passive" kind of racism that you don't realize is happening at first, and slowly you find out more and more ****ty things that people are saying and doing to exclude you, or target you. Then there are the ignorant "what are you" comments. These are just a few examples. Sadly I could write for pages and still not cover everything my family has experienced up to and including physical violence.
So, when someone like the OP says they are experiencing racism, even though I'm white, I'm inclined to believe it's exactly what they think it is.
^^^^ I agree. I am (mostly) white and have been fortunate to not share these experiences, but have definitely seen discrimination based on many things (clothing, marital status, disabilities, etc.). To the OP, I would feel offended. That lady was rude, and could use a lesson in tact while brushing up on her social graces. Unfortunately, everyone is tip-toeing around racism and "white" vs. "black" based on recent current events. People just need to stop perpetuating this problem by calling out color. How about calling out the behavior for what it was: rude.
I'm white, my husband is white/Polynesian/Asian. Having a mixed race family has given me a view of racism that I wouldn't have had if I were in an all white family. For one thing, I've learned that there is a lot more racism than most white people realize. We've lived in many states including the Pacific Northwest, which was quite racist. For instance, my husband was refused service in two stores. We were yelled/sworn at when our family was at the zoo. In an eastern state, our neighborhood HOA had a contract with a lawn service that sprays for weeds, but if you are not white, then they don't put your name on the list and don't tell you there is a list, so you don't get the deal, which was $15/mo. instead of $45/mo. This is the "passive" kind of racism that you don't realize is happening at first, and slowly you find out more and more ****ty things that people are saying and doing to exclude you, or target you. Then there are the ignorant "what are you" comments. These are just a few examples. Sadly I could write for pages and still not cover everything my family has experienced up to and including physical violence.
So, when someone like the OP says they are experiencing racism, even though I'm white, I'm inclined to believe it's exactly what they think it is.
NO, he's not. He's experiencing a form of prejudice. THEY ARE DIFFERENT. One is based in the other, but THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING.
The examples you list are completely different from what the OP described. If the woman had tried to keep him from getting a job or getting promoted or doing his job based on his race, that would be an example of racism, which is when one race tries to wield power over another.
She made a bone-headed assumption. Hopefully the OP can rise above it and the fate of the company is secure.
Im very light and my wife is very dark. She has been asked how long she has watched kids before. She had our three youngest at the store one day and someone thought she was babysitting them. She informed this person that she was their mom. Yes our kids look white. I have no idea why anyone would ask that question in the first place. My wife did not take it as being racist. She just figured the person was stupid. LOL
I don't see the OP's senario as being racist either. I see it as an uneducated boob thinking that everyone of color just got here.
Im very light and my wife is very dark. She has been asked how long she has watched kids before. She had our three youngest at the store one day and someone thought she was babysitting them. She informed this person that she was their mom. Yes our kids look white. I have no idea why anyone would ask that question in the first place. My wife did not take it as being racist. She just figured the person was stupid. LOL
I don't see the OP's senario as being racist either. I see it as an uneducated boob thinking that everyone of color just got here.
Exactly. It's an ignorant assumption, but not racist.
To the OP, she mentioned your background so somewhere in these 10 pages does it turn out that she saw your resume and saw you were from another country or had worked\studied abroad etc?
What did she mean by your "background"?
Are you asian and she just thought all asians were immigrants?
Um, that's called racial profiling. And is that supposed to somehow make me feel better? I already know she's making ASSumptions based on my appearance. Hello Racism! White people will NEVER ever realize why their ignorant remarks are considered racist.
Really?! Who's the real racist here? You're the one making judgments about the entire white race.
Assumptions based on one's appearance is not racist nor is it racial profiling. If a man is dressed like a bum, others will assume he is a bum rather than the CEO of a large company. That's just human nature.
The coworker you vent about in your opening comment is not racist at all, but you certainly sound racist to the core, cis_love.
just a vent.. i've experienced more subtle and not so subtle racism in my year living in WA than the past 20 years in CA. today was my first day at my new job. i was being introduced around and one lady says to me:
RB (Racist BXXXX)-- so what's your first language?
ME: What do you mean? i only know one language, English
RB: Surely you must know another language. English can't be your first language
ME: Why would you think English is not my first language (with death glare)
RB: (stumbling around) I just thought... well, with your background... (slow fade)
ME: SMH ...
another day in WA, another unpleasant experience with an ignorant RB...
Since nobody is racist here, and we're just talking, what color is your skin ? I'm assuming your last name isn't "anderson" or "johnson" and your skin tone doesn't scream "European"
I am white, and born here, and only know English, with that said, I always ask anyone who is "Asain" where they are from. So far %100 of them have named an Asian country,
to me, I am just making small talk, and that's my way of starting a conversation, and trying to become their friend.
You know' if you would have laughed it off, instead of some "death stare" and said something funny, you might be going out to lunch with her, and your boss , in the fastlane to a promotion ..
Now your know as the "new person" with the "death stare"
playing off stereotypes, if i asked a white male how small his penis is, he would report me to HR.
why can't this guy do that with this white lady playing off stereotypes and annoying him?
No I wouldn't take you to HR, I would just call you GAY, then you can take me to HR.
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He's experiencing a form of prejudice. THEY ARE DIFFERENT. One is based in the other, but THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING.
