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Hey, just my opinion but there is a better way to handle this.
She's ignorant (meaning she doesn't know), this may have been a good opportunity to move the ball forward, versus just getting offended. In her brain, she's asking legit questions. You can now help her learn that those questions aren't quite legit, and give her a little education.
How do you think the the conversation would have gone had you made a couple of the changes below?
RB (Racist BXXXX)-- so what's your first language?
ME: What do you mean? i only know one language, English
RB: Surely you must know another language. English can't be your first language
ME: Why would you think English is not my first language (with death glare)
RB: (stumbling around) I just thought... well, with your background... (slow fade)
Here is where you might have gone with the conversation:
YOU: My background? Can I ask what you believe my background to be (she will be uncomfortable and start back tracking -she's now realized she offended you).
HER: Oh, I just meant, because you look......
YOU: Oh, that's interesting you say that. This book is not it's cover (or something witty). I am actually born and raised in xxxxx, went to school at xxxxx. How about you? Where are you from?
HER: Right here, never left (just a guess but it'll be something like that).
YOU: Interesting! Hey, you look like a nice person, can I confide something in you? Some of those first questions you asked were a little offensive. Most people with my last name (appearance/accent - whatever tipped her off) have actually been here for a long time. Interesting that you mentioned another language, I have always wanted to learn French (Russian, or something else that is different from your heritage), but you know how it is, not enough time to do all the things I want. What language would you like to learn?
Now, if her answer is "Oh, I'm happy with English, everyone in the world should just learn that and do things the American way!"
Well, if she says that - then return to calling her an RB and stay away from this clown
Horrible advice. That is an argumentative and flippant approach.
No doubt she was tryting to be nice...you think a closet KKK would do that...talk to you?
You got to be bigger than that. You do not fight fire (in this case ignorance not racism) with fire. I have more fear of my sons (I am in a mixed marriage...one of us is a woman and one a man...ha ha...we are different races and cultures if you can call America a culture) dealing with the oh so polite and PC Police than some suburban white bread who just has had limited exposure.
I doubt anyone in America over 25 years old is free of racism (including non-whites) but there are many of us geezers who dig ourselves and make an effort cause we want to do what is right and what benefits us. If I dehumanize someone because of some personal attribute there is always the strong possibility I have short changed myself. Even when folks are blantantly unfriendly for no apparent reason other than my race I try to be friendly. I have earned some good friends doing this as well as some good benefits.
Who are you to tell a person what they can and can't be offended by? It's generally known that anything that pertains to a person race or ethnicity can be a touchy topic for some. We receive sensitivity training every year at my job and it's made known that such conversations/comments can lead to disiciplinary action.
They can be offended by whatever they want. That doesn't mean that discussing what offends that individual needs to be kept off limits. Some people are offended by eating meat. Is talking the hamburgers offered in the cafeteria should be considered off limits at work.
My fiance is Jewish, regularly assume she doesn't eat pork and she just explains that she does and that not all jewish people don't eat pork. There's no reason for her to start thinking people assuming she doesn't eat pork is anti-semetic though.
The OP still hasn't given any realistic explanation for how assuming that english wasn't the primary language was racist. If anything it still just really sounds like they speak with a heavy accent and tried to turn this isn't a racism problem where there was none.
Making ignorant assumptions about people is also racist.
Assumptions can be reasonable, they can be unreasonable and, sometimes, they can be racist. If you are seven feet tall I may assume you play basketball -- that doesn't mean I am racist. If I see you wearing a basketball jersey, carrying a basketball, and heading to the b-ball court, I would make the same assumption and, I could still be wrong.
The lady in question specifically mentioned the OP's background, so it may be a reasonable assumption that he is not from the US and English is not his primary language. Alas, we don't know what information this lady had at her disposal that lead her to her incorrect conclusion, but she certainly had more information at her disposal than the OP is willing to share with us.
Since nobody is racist here, and we're just talking, what color is your skin ? I'm assuming your last name isn't "anderson" or "johnson" and your skin tone doesn't scream "European"
I am white, and born here, and only know English, with that said, I always ask anyone who is "Asain" where they are from. So far %100 of them have named an Asian country,
to me, I am just making small talk, and that's my way of starting a conversation, and trying to become their friend.
You know' if you would have laughed it off, instead of some "death stare" and said something funny, you might be going out to lunch with her, and your boss , in the fastlane to a promotion ..
Now your know as the "new person" with the "death stare"
Try putting yourself in the shoe of someone who's a third generation Asian American who speaks perfect English and see if you wouldn't be offended if someone asks you that out of the blue. Or are we asking for too much intelligence or empathy?
Assumptions can be reasonable, they can be unreasonable and, sometimes, they can be racist. If you are seven feet tall I may assume you play basketball -- that doesn't mean I am racist. If I see you wearing a basketball jersey, carrying a basketball, and heading to the b-ball court, I would make the same assumption and, I could still be wrong.
Yes, but if you saw a black man with no basketball and no jersey, and assumed he played basketball, that would be racist. That's basically what's happening with the OP, except with language instead of sport as the assumption being made.
^^ this is my point. it's not polite to make ASSumptions about people based on someone's appearance/race/ethnicity/religion. I just had this conversation with my 8 year old son. Do 50+ year old adults not get this?
And again, white people always say things like "you're oversensitive about this" b/c they have never had to face issues like this.
I am sure this lady was trying to make friendly conversation with me. I don't think she was trying to be rude, but that's the problem in itself. She (like many others) are clueless. Those who say things like "lighten up" are the ones who could probably see themselves saying similar remarks as this lady did.
OP,
You aren't going to get much smpathy on City Data. Most of the people here are....well, look at any thread about blacks and you will see what I mean.
I would have been taken aback as well. The woman wasn't ASKING if the OP spoke another language....she assumed she did. There is a difference.
I'm kind of shocked you got hired as sensitive as you are.......
Well, don't be. If they didn't hire him - that would be racist too.
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