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Old 12-25-2012, 12:39 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque, NM
13,290 posts, read 15,225,076 times
Reputation: 6657

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Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCobb View Post
That's just being a good guy.
You explained nothing.

Why is it being a good guy?

Do you also feel this need to play for friends, family, and acquaintances when you go out?
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Old 12-25-2012, 12:40 PM
 
12,998 posts, read 13,573,417 times
Reputation: 11187
Quote:
Originally Posted by ATG5 View Post
I'd like to know the answer to that question, too.

Fwiw, I'd never let a woman pay for my date, either.
I guess it's the same reason why I pee standing up, and don't swing my hips when i walk. I was socialized to act in certain ways and do certain things as a man. Being a provider is an essentail trait of masculinity in my mind.
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Old 12-25-2012, 12:42 PM
 
Location: not where you are
8,737 posts, read 9,415,501 times
Reputation: 8281
Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey View Post
I think a good idea would be for these guys to keep track of all the dates and then present her with a bill at the end of the month. Ask for payment and give her a few options (cash, check, credit card, paypal etc.) and see how that goes.

Maybe make her sign a dating contract midway through the first just to make sure everyone is on the same page regarding payment and money.

This made me LOL and remember a guy I dated. When I had it up to my eyeballs and told him I was moving out he said he was furious and said he would then sue me for rent for the past year, I kindly counter that I had saved all the receipts for groceries and other home necessities I'd paid for and would gladly present them at the appropriate time. Silence followed.

Honestly, I've really only run into the dating thought patterns expressed here, since moving to FL, never faced such issues prior to. Was never a big deal with the men I new. I do recall on occasion paying for a date, when a guy fell short of funds, he was extremely embarrassed, he had no reason to be. we ended up dating for a couple of years. No big deal there either.
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Old 12-25-2012, 12:43 PM
 
1,454 posts, read 2,158,208 times
Reputation: 1072
If I ask a man out then I'll pay. If I'm being asked out, then I would consider it an invitation and he pays.
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Old 12-25-2012, 12:44 PM
 
12,998 posts, read 13,573,417 times
Reputation: 11187
Quote:
Originally Posted by filihok View Post
You explained nothing.

Why is it being a good guy?

Do you also feel this need to play for friends, family, and acquaintances when you go out?
I do pick up the tab quite a bit, fil. I pick it up most of the time when I'm out with my younger sisters. I do it some when I'm out when I'm out with my older sister, but she sometimes objects and pays because she's the older one so she should pay. I almost always pick up the tab if a female friend from out of town is visiting. I don't pick up the tab as often with male friends because I don't want to deprive them of the pleasure of picking up the tab. We share the responsibility. I dunno... either you relate to this mindset or you don't. I'm willing to admit it might be some outdated macho-ness, but it's not totally unheard of. This is the way all guys were not too long ago. Men used to like to pay for their dates. Now they don't? What's going to be next? Men complaining that women aren't jumping in and defending them in fights?
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Old 12-25-2012, 12:45 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque, NM
13,290 posts, read 15,225,076 times
Reputation: 6657
Quote:
Originally Posted by Laychick View Post
If I ask a man out then I'll pay. If I'm being asked out, then I would consider it an invitation and he pays.
Does this hold true with your female (or male friends).
"We should go out on Friday"
Do you expect them to pay?
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Old 12-25-2012, 12:45 PM
 
Location: Aventura FL
868 posts, read 1,118,369 times
Reputation: 1175
Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCobb View Post
Agreed, hombre... if a woman wants to pay, I guess I would accept that graciously. I would never expect it though.. even after she paid for dates several times, I'd still reach for my wallet every time and expect to pay. Why? Because I'm a man and that's what men should do, imo.
We're just old fashioned (but not old). If I take a woman out, I wouldn't feel comfortable asking her to chip in. When I've done it in the past, I've just paid, hands over my card to the waiter and not even mentioned "this meal cost X amount". Even if the lady was blatantly making more money than me, I would still pay.
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Old 12-25-2012, 12:45 PM
 
Location: Up in the air
19,112 posts, read 30,529,206 times
Reputation: 16394
Quote:
Originally Posted by filihok View Post
Clearly, there are only two extreme positions to take on this.

Be anal to the penny

or

the woman, for sexist outdated reasons, shouldn't pay.

Hey, I'm just trying to keep everything equal, like you want. Personally, I'd prefer an itemized bill because it makes more sense accounting wise.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ATG5 View Post
You have got to be kidding me.


One thing is something that women should have/be allowed to do compared to men and another is an undeserved since of entitlement that simp men prior to my generation pandered to.
Then find a woman who pays. Why is this so hard for you guys to grasp? Before you ask her out, let her know that you believe in equality and that she should pay her share or for the entire dinner. Lay it all on the table before the date so that there aren't any questions.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RazorRob305 View Post
I think you're really missing the point. Most guys are fine and have been fine with the traditional values of paying for dates ect...and we still think this way, but this younger generation makes it seem like they want their cake and eat it too....like they will complain about a guy who wanted to split a bill, but yet wonder why chivalry is dying. Which makes no sense to me because feminists wanted everything to be equal, so it makes no sense that you try changing certain aspects of male vs. female interaction while you complain about other aspects of it. Mainly what I'm saying is I am an old skool gentleman who actually sticks to those old values, but lots of guys these days don't and women get mad when a dude doesn't want to pay for a date sometimes, but that's just the new skool way of doing things and this is what feminism has caused. Don't blame men for this behavior when society has incrementaly taught young men to behave this way as they no longer have that father figure to explain how to treat a lady.
I've only heard a woman get mad about a guy not paying....maybe twice in my life. The women I know don't mind paying their own way, mostly because if they don't they're more likely to get pressured into something physical because men feel entitled to sex because they threw down $10 for lunch.

If a guy doesn't want to pay, that's fine! But they also shouldn't be surprised if the woman thinks it's just a 'hangout' and not an actual date, considering men and women hang out in mixed groups quite often. Mixed signals can be a pain in the butt and unfortunately most men simply don't know how to act on dates to differentiate it from a casual hang out.
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Old 12-25-2012, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque, NM
13,290 posts, read 15,225,076 times
Reputation: 6657
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hombre View Post
If I take a woman out, I wouldn't feel comfortable asking her to chip in.
Why?
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Old 12-25-2012, 12:47 PM
 
Location: H-Tine, Texas
6,732 posts, read 5,138,676 times
Reputation: 8539
Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCobb View Post
I guess it's the same reason why I pee standing up, and don't swing my hips when i walk. I was socialized to act in certain ways and do certain things as a man. Being a provider is an essentail trait of masculinity in my mind.
Funny, I was taught those same things by a man who was a stand up husband and married to one woman for 26 years. Don't remember him saying anything about me paying for the first date or two with a woman.

And I must say, women seem to still like me. Hmm.

Nice try, though.
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