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Why don't men pursue women anymore? Seems it only happens in the movies.
In my own experience, men will give me their phone numbers....and ask me to call them....and I'm 45 years old! This seems messed up.
Any comments gentlemen? Preferably men over 40 to answer please.
(not that the young guys can't answer this.....they don't seem to be the ones afraid....it's the older ones)
I think men are just becoming a bit smarter as they age. Young men don't have the experience of older men. Most of them haven't learned that one bite of wedding cake will change their lives.
I think men are just becoming a bit smarter as they age. Young men don't have the experience of older men. Most of them haven't learned that one bite of wedding cake will change their lives.
Exactly. Older men know they that the institution of marriage is not something to play with and that if they mess up or don't go over it carefully the massive complications they have to deal with. I myself, am 30 years old, so I don't know what exactly passes for young or old these days. With that being said, my life experiences have led me to make smarter choices as I did when I was much younger. Jumping through hoops to appease women who have not proved they have anything to enhance my life is just no longer a priority for me anymore.
I lost my job a few years back and I am trying to pursue another career path in life, and maybe even relocating if necessary. Trying to achieve goals in my life takes up a lot of my time. And having "just any" woman making demands with me will only make my life worse. Hooking up with a woman "just because she is hot" and "I have a a high sex drive" went out in my early twenties. I know now that better men make better choices in life. Some men are waiting to find what they want in woman, even if they have to wait to get it. And no, I am not talking about the hottest woman they can find. When in reality they are looking for women who share their same value system and actually is not delusional about herself!!
There's some situations where this statement IS true and other situations where it's NOT. One situation where it's NOT true is if the person puts a whole lot of weight on having a SO in your life. That diverts the person's attention and mental energies from truly worthwhile activities - like personally enriching activities and making enough money to have at least a minimally humane standard of living.
I'm not saying you are like this, but for the benefit of others who may benefit from what I'm about to say --
If one deemphasizes having an SO in favor of personal pursuits and goals, or even just relaxing and personal enrichment, then the lack of an SO ceases to become a problem..or even ceases to be a desire at all (as is the case with me).
I'm inspired by what Mark Twain wrote of poor people in India over 100 years ago.
"We in the wealthy West think of Indians as intolerably destitute. But in matters of the spirit, it is we Westerners who are the paupers, and they who are the millionaires" (I apply this not in terms of $ wealth so much as wealth in romance, wealth in community standing, even wealth in friends. In short, I take it as inspiration to figure out how to be happy with as little "extras" in life as possible).
This means that having no SO or no ability to obtain an SO is a problem only to the extent that you've been convinced you need one. But do you really need one? Or is it just nature's way into torturing you into reproducing (or, more accurately, engage your heart, mind, and body in actions that lead to reproduction). In short, to think you need an SO in your life to be happy is to be nature's tool - a slave to yoru DNA strands and your animal nature programming. Fortunately, our higher brain functions can think outside the DNA/animal brain box (as implied above).
Me? I refuse to be a slave to my animal nature, for to do so severely limits my freedom of action and likewise severely limits my ability to be happy (you've got one or a dozen more things to worry about - pleasing the SO, the kid's well-being, dealing with family dramas, etc.). For me, the important things in life are hobbies, community volunteering, and earning enough money to live minimally humanely and save for some rainy days. It certainly made my life a lot more relaxed (certainly for me, don't know about others).
Exactly. Older men know they that the institution of marriage is not something to play with and that if they mess up or don't go over it carefully the massive complications they have to deal with. I myself, am 30 years old, so I don't know what exactly passes for young or old these days. With that being said, my life experiences have led me to make smarter choices as I did when I was much younger. Jumping through hoops to appease women who have not proved they have anything to enhance my life is just no longer a priority for me anymore.
Good. Smarter and a hell of a lot less expensive!!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vicket
In other words- "It's all about me."
We all have our selfishenesses in one way or another. Not that I'm saying "don't give a damn about others' well-being", but you do have to know what's good for YOUR OWN happiness. Heck, I'm sure you had your fair share of moments where you put your own happiness ahead of someone else's desires.
Some people aren't happy with being a father or otherwise sharing their mailing address with another. Read my earlier post on Page 52 or so. You'll see that I AM taking women's happiness into account. Better she keep looking than to be saddled up with someone who isn't interested in committment in the first place.
What I find truly selfish is judgmentalism and peer pressure to conform to the all-American, picture-perfect, picket-fence-in-the-suburbs lifestyle. I'm not obligated to live up to society's expectations of what a person ought to be - any more than you're obligated to live up to my expectations of what another person ought to be.
What I don't get about the OP is she asked a question on a public forum and had the nerve to call men "bitter" for giving their honest opinion. The point was not to put you down, but to let you know where many men are coming from!!
I've been friends over the years with a number of older guys that were absolutely savaged by some wicked women. The worse was a guy that had been successful in pro sports at a young age, invested the money, had a chain of restaurants and other businesses, nice house, cars and all the toys. Basically had a pretty nice life as he hit 60.
Came home one day and found the wife had drained all his accounts of everything, ran up all the credit cards, sold what she could behind his back and then fled town. Essentially everything collapsed and he is now nearly 70 working a grunt job having to start his life over.
I really don't want to end up like that guy. Not the $$$ amounts that's important, but I don't want to work all my life to be robbed by my wife by herself or the courts.
It's not something that makes me scared but it is why I am conscientious about getting involved long term with women. I'm constantly getting hammered by relatives why I don't run out and get married and you know I'm not in any hurry to do so.
I see where you are coming from. Before you get married take time out go see the world and accomplish things you want to. Plus, as you stated, I know a few men who were in the same predicament as the one you posted about. And their ex-wives did not care that they left their ex husbands in financial ruin!!
Why don't men pursue women anymore? Seems it only happens in the movies.
Because too many of you tie up our TV's with Grey's Anatomy, and General Hospitol. And then we have to see over the top acting from Tony Geary, and other poor actors like him, and this is the same reason you all use to not watch OUR movies! at least Arnold and Vin don't think their great actors like Geary, and DR McDreamy do!
In my own experience, men will give me their phone numbers....and ask me to call them....and I'm 45 years old! This seems messed up.
We thought you'd like to call us when you're ready and able, and not just when it's conveinant for us, but typical you take it the wrong way!
Any comments gentlemen? Preferably men over 40 to answer please.
46 and I succesfully found the last great one left! Of course she was never married before(not somebody elses cast off), is 12 years younger(newer, sportier model!) AND I ASKED HER OUT!
(not that the young guys can't answer this.....they don't seem to be the ones afraid....it's the older ones)
I think much of this has to do with low self esteem. Indeed men's self esteem and psyche has taken a beating after a couple of decades of watching women vilify the male gender. Compound the existing economic hardships that are being leveled on everyone IN ADDITION TO the inequities of divorce, which often leaves men even more financially crippled, and I think many men just dont feel positively enough about themselves to make moves towards women...
Equally as scourging is women's self esteem. Women have always been said to have low self esteem. This is allegedly why they have always needed a fulltime personal complimenter 24/7 (boyfriend). So their self esteem is equally as crippling for whatever reasons. The only difference is that despite his personal frustrations, men are still expected to depict an air of confidence to be considered attractive, whereas women for some reason still want their ego's stroked by having aggressive suitors rather than mustering confidence of their own. Though even in the era of equality, her own self esteem seldom allows her to approach men either.
Not to be confused though -- there are many men who have mastered the art of APPEARING confident...which as we can CLEARLY see, is all that is needed to bed women today. They are the same low lifes and deadbeat dads who have suckered many a woman into having sex and leaving the ensuing children. Someone else described these men perfectly: narcissistic. They have little if anything to be confident about. Typically chronically unemployed even in a booming economy, no education, self absorbed, riddled with STD's etc. However they have the "confidence" routine down pat..lol...thus to them go the spoils..Superficial? Shallow? Simplistic? Sadistic? sure..but then again, combined with sex, thats all it takes to woo most women today...lol
On point.
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Seems it only happens in the movies.
at least Arnold and Vin don't think their great actors like Geary, and DR McDreamy do!
