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Old 01-08-2013, 11:11 AM
 
2,601 posts, read 2,985,638 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
That is self inflicted pressure and I don't feel sorry for you if you feel the NEED to please others instead of doing what you do to make yourself happy and be healthy. Who the hades cares what "others" expect of you? If you do you need to seek therapy to get over your issues. Your bolded statement is NOT TRUE, IF you really did NOT CARE or allow others to pressure you then you would not by your own admission "start feeling I have to stay in shape now because now that they saw it and pointed it out they expect it of me and if I don't stay in shape I'll disappoint people or they'll say I've let myself go."
(Read a few sentences above the bolded post).

So you are contradicting yourself within the span of one paragraph. So which is the truth?
The truth is what I said, and why do you think you're so important that I would want you to feel sorry for me? You may be one who likes pity, but that is not part of my character.

P.S. If you read the whole thing without skimming, you would see I admitted I put the pressure on myself.

One more edit. I can see why you need me to dumb it down a bit. I put the pressure on myself. Society does not. It's the funny little way my brain works where I project things onto other people at times that just are not true. I know they aren't actually thinking this; and as I said, it's not a bad pressure if it's helping me to stay in shape. How does that sound like a person looking for pity? Don't pity me. Pressured or not, I'm very happy with the way I look. Not bad for a 38-year-old mom of seven!

Last edited by ShinyHappyLucy; 01-08-2013 at 11:22 AM..
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Old 01-08-2013, 11:19 AM
 
Location: Howard County, MD
2,224 posts, read 2,866,931 times
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Man posting here. I'm going to perhaps be a little contrarian here and say that I think a lot of the pressure on women to get skinny seems to come from other women almost as much as men. Me personally, I like curvy women who are big in the, uh, chest and gluteal regions, and if that means she's got a little chub around the waist then so be it; I'd rather have that than be with a scrawny bony woman. And maybe they won't publicly admit it, but guess what: many, many other men (at least in America, can't really say what foreign guys like) feel the same way as me. Some of you ladies in this thread seem to have had some bad experiences with guys who are weight nazis; I guess I would chalk this up to demographic factors, or hanging around a bunch of guys who are a bunch of unrepentant douchebags. But myself, I've personally been the guy saying I like her curves and that she shouldn't stress about it, while she's saying she needs to lose weight.
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Old 01-08-2013, 01:20 PM
 
6,774 posts, read 6,857,792 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lpfan921 View Post
Does society put too much pressure on women to be extremely skinny? I think it's awful when a woman feels pressured to be so thin that you can see her ribs.

Don't get me wrong, i'm not supportive of the fat acceptance movement. If a woman wants an attractive man, she should make a reasonable effort to stay in shape herself. But i think some guys have crazy expectations for women's weight. It's sad how many women and young girls develop eating disorders to conform to these expectations. It's rather cruel of us as a society.

What does everyone think about this? Here's the chance for you ladies to sound off if you think society's expectations for weight are unreasonable.
I don't think it's men as much as women and society in general. Real men are more accepting of a little extra padding in places that create curves. I've never been "fat" in my life, but I still feel I would be more attractive if I were boney like an actress or model, my fiancee' disagrees and likes my hips and butt. I was very thin until I was in my thirties and suddenly developed curves, I'm not fat, and I'm certainly not at an unhealthy weight, I know that, but for middle/upper middle class white women, the expectations are skinnier=better in every way. Why are there so many women like me, who are not unhealthy, nor unattractive, but we still feel like we should be thinner?

People miss that point and focus on "fat acceptance" or the "poor skinny girls being insulted," which BTW, give me an f'ing break, I've been the "too skinny" girl, I've never been insulted for it, and if I were I would only laugh because the benefits of being skinny are so many. Marketing depends on women feeling bad about their bodies, if average, healthy women feel good about themselves they won't buy products. Our entire culture is designed to make us feel unattractive so we will buy ****. Intellectually I can fight it, but it's still there, I know that skinny=better (stronger, more in control) in most western cultures.
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Old 01-08-2013, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Living on the Coast in Oxnard CA
15,371 posts, read 25,579,836 times
Reputation: 19646
Quote:
Originally Posted by RockJock1729 View Post
There is nothing wrong with being healthy or eating healthy food. No one ever said there was.

But weight and BMI are not the be-all and end-all of health. Health involves an awful lot of factors, and different people can have the same weight, height and body fat percentages, and have vastly different state of health. The original issue of this thread is about weight expectations, not health expectations.

The judgments being passed are not actually about people's health. It's about their weight compared to their height--in short, their physique and appearance. Because that's all the data people here have collected about others. Everything else has been an assumption about what their blood pressure, cholesterol, et al, must be like because of their physique and appearance.
Isn't someone's physique an indicator of their overall health? Sure we may not know what health problems a person has but for the most part if you see someone that is overweight you are looking at someone that is out of balance with their body. BMI is a tool but for those that are in to body building it is a tool that may not work. For the average person it is a good indicator of where a person is. still, it should be looked at only as a tool.

If people are looking at just the weight expectations than my expectations are that a healthy individual should maintain a healthy weight. Being obese or overweight are not a way to live a long and prosperous life. I have been there. I am almost where I want to be now. My weight had increased from a low of 162 to a high of 226LBS. For the past year I had it down to 212. Currently I am 178lbs with a goal of hitting 155lbs. At 5' 6" that is the optimum for my size body. Untill the year began I was able to lose the weight with just changing my diet and walking. I average just under 4 miles a day, on top of my walking around the hospital campus.

My optimum goal is to live into the tripple diggits. I want to be 100 years +. ( If I can make it to 150 I would be estatic.) Saying that, I know that 100 is not out of the question for someone that keeps their weight low. I could never get their with 50lbs additional weight on my frame. Besides that, who would want to walk around with all that extra weight? As someone that had been walking around with a large amount of additional weight I can safely say it is not fun. I was in a commercial recently and hadn't seen myself in that perspective in some time. I looked bad. Now I see a big differance and am motivated by where I am heading and what I want to accomplish.

This isn't meant to judge anyone. What it is meant to do is encourage people and let them know that they can do it to. You can lose weight and change your ideas about your self and how you see yourself.
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Old 01-08-2013, 01:28 PM
 
Location: Middle America
35,817 posts, read 39,361,269 times
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I think that people do need to be realistic and recognize that there is such a continuum in terms of weight. These threads always go in terms of "stick thin or morbidly obese." In my experience, most guys are very realistic that their girlfriend with rounded hips with a little extra padding, but toned arms and a nipped in waist is not the equivalent of a 450-lb shut-in simply because she's not a Victoria's Secret underwear model.

My boyfriend liking my wide hips is not "fat acceptance." It's him liking how I look. *shrugs*
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Old 01-08-2013, 01:44 PM
 
6,774 posts, read 6,857,792 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
I think that people do need to be realistic and recognize that there is such a continuum in terms of weight. These threads always go in terms of "stick thin or morbidly obese." In my experience, most guys are very realistic that their girlfriend with rounded hips with a little extra padding, but toned arms and a nipped in waist is not the equivalent of a 450-lb shut-in simply because she's not a Victoria's Secret underwear model.

My boyfriend liking my wide hips is not "fat acceptance." It's him liking how I look. *shrugs*
Yes, and a woman who isn't bone skinny, but has a bit of hips and butt is most likely not at an unhealthy weight. Healthy can be very thin to what some may consider "chunky." There is tremendous pressure on women to be skinny, not "be at a healthy weight" many women risk their health to be SKINNIER.
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Old 01-08-2013, 02:16 PM
 
Location: Howard County, MD
2,224 posts, read 2,866,931 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by detshen View Post
Yes, and a woman who isn't bone skinny, but has a bit of hips and butt is most likely not at an unhealthy weight. Healthy can be very thin to what some may consider "chunky." There is tremendous pressure on women to be skinny, not "be at a healthy weight" many women risk their health to be SKINNIER.
Totally.

Also, I'm no medical researcher, but I have encountered some stuff online indicating that current studies have found that the BMI is severely limited as it doesn't take into account muscle mass or bone structure at all, and that by themselves, having a big belly is way worse than being heavy. Basically for women as long is you waist measurement is:

A| Less than 35 inches

B| Less than 50% of your height

C| Less than 80% of your hip measurement

Then you're weight is probably not any significant health risk

ATP III Report: Full Report, NHLBI, NCEP

Abdominal fat and what to do about it - Harvard Health Publications

Furthermore, I agree with one poster who suggested that a lot of men have no idea what women weigh. Follow this link, click on the hourglass body filter and toy around with the heights and weights; many women that I think most people would describe as normal sized, curvy women are in fact overweight if not obese: Welcome - My Body Gallery - What Real Women Look Like

And finally: Let's cut it with this "health" bullcrap. Outside of your inner circle you probably don't give a damn about how healthy anyone else is, outside of the urge to tell other people how to live their lives. I'd wager 90% of Americans regularly do things that are considered medically unhealthy, but fat people are just way easier to single out and criticize.
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Old 01-08-2013, 02:22 PM
 
Location: Way up high
14,072 posts, read 20,144,875 times
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It's not about being skinny its about being healthy. They are two different things.
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Old 01-08-2013, 02:29 PM
 
1,516 posts, read 1,764,767 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by himain View Post
It's not about being skinny its about being healthy. They are two different things.
Absolutely correct. I find some of the female models and actresses frankly not too appealing if they are super skinny. Some look like they may keel over at any moment. I always get a kick out of magazines featuring women who have lost a bunch of weight, still look a bit chunky, but in the interview, they are always a size 4, lol. Sets unrealistic expectations for everyone.

As a female, I've always have strived to be healthy and it doesn't bother me if I'm carrying around a few extra pounds. I personally like a bit of muscle and I've always have lifted weights. Since I'm middle aged now and have somewhat of a gimpy back, I've scaled back a bit but I will do four days of weights per week.
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Old 01-08-2013, 02:36 PM
 
Location: Calabasas, CA
634 posts, read 784,429 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by himain View Post
It's not about being skinny its about being healthy. They are two different things.
Thank you!! Thank you! Thank you!!! You are right.

As for the other post above who said guys have no idea how to estimate what a woman weighs, you are right. We dont really care what a woman weights, we care even LESS about what size pants, blouse, dress she wears. We care about #1) How does she LOOK?; and #2) If she looks fit/healthy. Nothing else matters.

Your scale can say you are 180 pounds at 5' 10" tall, if we like your entire package of how its put together AND you are FIT and HEALTHY, we dont care what the scale says. Its what OUR EYES TELL US.

EDIT: Id like to add that really, really, really, we do not care about what size clothing you wear. My wife has a closet full of size Petite - 0- S - XS - Med and a bunch of Ralph Lauren stuff that says size 2P. I've never even heard of size 2P before. Never tell a guy what size clothes you wear because we dont care, and basically, lets be honest, designers will their goofed up sizes can put size 0 on one thing, and another designer would put 2 on that same size item.

EDIT #2 - Instead of posting again I'll just add: BMI is flat out baloney and should not be used, discussed, included as part of the conversation or anything similar. Its completely useless, especially when talk is of people who are fit/healthy/exercise a lot.

Last edited by Capablanca; 01-08-2013 at 03:43 PM..
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