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I was a dedicated partaker of the Retirement forum for a number of years. The "Women Retiring Alone" thread felt like a lifeline to me when my life was basically being a caregiver for my mom (pre-Caregiver forum days). It gave me hope, a sense of camaraderie and a chance to live vicariously through others while cheering them on. It felt like a welcoming club with new members (including a number of men) discovering the thread and joining in along the way. It was kind of a special experience (running eight plus years and almost 800 pages).
Then someone decided to muck with a great thing by changing the title with related brouhaha. Doesn't sound like a biggie, but it was like someone, who hadn't been a participant, came in and told those who had bonded and had ALWAYS welcomed others, that their identity and focus must change. Too much continuity, too much success. It was like intrusively throwing ice water on things. Changed the rhythm and the heart of the thread. It continued but wasn't quite the same. Things take time to rebuild. I was away for awhile with a family member in the hospital. When I returned, "my thread", "our thread" had summarily been closed. I had no "home" to return to.
The closer said, "The title of this thread is Men and Women retiring alone to a new city/state -- where will you go and why? and was started 09-30-2007.The thread has drifted way off topic...Perhaps it is time to close it after 7900+ posts." There were basically seven off topic posts at the end of the thread. And the death knell? It was over whether the Retirement Forum should be subdivided. Aagh! I thought in a most popular 7900 post thread that survives like the energizer bunny, why would you kill it off? In a thread that long, it may meander for a few posts, then come back. Why kill the thread? Why not just suggest people get back on track and start a new topic for those seven posts? Maddening and, to me, not reasonable. The loss of a treasure. (Glad a sequel is available, but not the same energy or momentum as the original.)
Anyway, now that my home here has been disappeared, I visit. I'm not invested anymore. If I have no use for a topic I don't click on it. Since I'm long retired, I like the retired life topics and there are a good variety. There are other boards I like, but they're not that active. Retirement stays pretty busy which makes it worth visiting.
Do I get irritated with posters here. Occasionally. Do I report anyone. No. (I did one time for a long advertisement for mail order drugs--new poster of course!) Context is important to me. You can have a differing opinion but it should be within the context of what's being discussed. You can be any age. I learn from all. But the view from 30 or 40 or 50 isn't the same as from 60 or 70 or 80. (I often say to a young person, "Talk to me again in 30 years!" ) The view from rich is not the same as the view from poor. The view from couplehood is not the same as that from single. Important to share and learn from others while remembering that not every retired person has the same life station or experience that you do.
One recent bugaboo. I have taken an interest in the Elder Orphan thread. Some good thoughts and issues on there. But it is off-putting and disjointing to read those normal concerns interspersed with posts by those who contemplate doing themselves in at the end of life. Some of them nowhere near their probable end of life. And not just entertaining the concept, but talking about the specific how-tos. I don't invalidate anyone's decision for their own life and I've known a few people who have suicided (one a fairly close friend with health problems). But then, I would appreciate these posts go in their own appropriately titled separate thread so I don't have to wade through them to get to the ones by people still focused on how to navigate their way as successfully as possible with living through their remaining years.
Last edited by mollyblythe; 09-25-2017 at 03:41 PM..
In our small town, there are limited topics of conversation. medical problems [heart surgeries, diabetes and joint replacements], SSDI, restaurants that closed 30 years ago, hunting, fishing, rifle calibers, cars people owned in the 70s, and the politics of FDR.
Forums like this exist as a place to find sanity and a broader base for conversation.
OMG yes! All the people I hang out with all have some kind of illness. But that doesn't stop them - also all very involved in the community, but dang always harping about this person or that. And always raising money for something. That is what life revolves on around here.
I was a dedicated partaker of the Retirement forum for a number of years. The "Women Retiring Alone" thread felt like a lifeline to me when my life was basically being a caregiver for my mom (pre-Caregiver forum days). It gave me hope, a sense of camaraderie and a chance to live vicariously through others while cheering them on. It felt like a welcoming club with new members (including a number of men) discovering the thread and joining in along the way. It was kind of a special experience (running eight plus years and almost 800 pages).
Then someone decided to muck with a great thing by changing the title with related brouhaha. Doesn't sound like a biggie, but it was like someone, who hadn't been a participant, came in and told those who had bonded and had ALWAYS welcomed others, that their identity and focus must change. Too much continuity, too much success. It was like intrusively throwing ice water on things. Changed the rhythm and the heart of the thread. It continued but wasn't quite the same. Things take time to rebuild. I was away for awhile with a family member in the hospital. When I returned, "my thread", "our thread" had summarily been closed. I had no "home" to return to.
The closer said, "The title of this thread is Men and Women retiring alone to a new city/state -- where will you go and why? and was started 09-30-2007.The thread has drifted way off topic...Perhaps it is time to close it after 7900+ posts." There were basically seven off topic posts at the end of the thread. And the death knell? It was over whether the Retirement Forum should be subdivided. Aagh! I thought in a most popular 7900 post thread that survives like the energizer bunny, why would you kill it off? In a thread that long, it may meander for a few posts, then come back. Why kill the thread? Why not just suggest people get back on track and start a new topic for those seven posts? Maddening and, to me, not reasonable. The loss of a treasure. (Glad a sequel is available, but not the same energy or momentum as the original.)
Anyway, now that my home here has been disappeared, I visit. I'm not invested anymore. If I have no use for a topic I don't click on it. Since I'm long retired, I like the retired life topics and there are a good variety. There are other boards I like, but they're not that active. Retirement stays pretty busy which makes it worth visiting.
Do I get irritated with posters here. Occasionally. Do I report anyone. No. (I did one time for a long advertisement for mail order drugs--new poster of course!) Context is important to me. You can have a differing opinion but it should be within the context of what's being discussed. You can be any age. I learn from all. But the view from 30 or 40 or 50 isn't the same as from 60 or 70 or 80. (I often say to a young person, "Talk to me again in 30 years!" ) The view from rich is not the same as the view from poor. The view from couplehood is not the same as that from single. Important to share and learn from others while remembering that not every retired person has the same life station or experience that you do.
One recent bugaboo. I have taken an interest in the Elder Orphan thread. Some good thoughts and issues on there. But it is off-putting and disjointing to read those normal concerns interspersed with posts by those who contemplate doing themselves in at the end of life. Some of them nowhere near their probable end of life. And not just entertaining the concept, but talking about the specific how-tos. I don't invalidate anyone's decision for their own life and I've known a few people who have suicided (one a fairly close friend with health problems). But then, I would appreciate these posts go in their own appropriately titled separate thread so I don't have to wade through them to get to the ones by people still focused on how to navigate their way as successfully as possible with living through their remaining years.
Thanks for sharing some history of the forum as well as your own. I think "interventions" can be a bit heavy-handed. Of course I/we're not privy to the complaints behind the scenes but sometimes complaints are overwrought and can be safely ignored for the greater good of the community. I'm sure whoever shut down that thread had no idea the impact on you and others that would occur. But oh - the importance of staying on topic and everyone being perfectly amiable!
exactly so age is not a factor in many things . the young here can teach the old if they are knowledgeable in that area .
many older people get blinded by their own experiences and think experience is the best teacher but in many cases they are wrong .
it is like in music we say practice does not make perfect ---- perfect practice makes perfect. so experience is not always the best teacher when you are doing things wrong or not the best way
"I know a guy I worked with ... died at his desk at 59. Goll darn it ... I'm gonna grab what I can at 62 ... I don't want to leave anything on the table with Social Security when I kick the bucket. I'll probably be dead by 70 .... "
we all know people who died pretty young .we remember them because death so young is so rare . trying rattling off the names of everyone you ever know still living .
i can easily still remember pretty much those i knew who died under 60 .
we all know people who died pretty young .we remember them because death so young is so rare . trying rattling off the names of everyone you ever know still living .
i can easily still remember pretty much those i knew who died under 60 .
Well, there's a friggin' bummer way to begin my day
the point is dying young is rare as we get closer to retirement age and really is a poor criteria for long term retirement planning unless you have a fatal disease .
it is kind of man bites dog news and that is why we tend to remember those who expire pretty young.
at 65 , a couple has a 97% chance one will be alive at 75.
Last edited by mathjak107; 09-26-2017 at 03:25 AM..
the point is dying young is rare as we get closer to retirement age and really is a poor criteria for long term retirement planning unless you have a fatal disease .
Last year I attended a funeral of a woman that was one of my late mother's closest friends. She was age 94 at the time of her death and was age 44 just like me when she was widowed and left to support a 3 year old child. After my husband passed 16 years ago this woman came to visit me to offer condolences and support and shared with me her own experiences as a young widow. Her late husband was a clandestine spender and when he died he left her with a good deal of debt, and unknown to her cashed out his life insurance policy which left her no money to pay for his funeral. She told me which I never knew that my parents and other friends paid for her husband's funeral. Life was not easy for this woman following her husband's death with a child to support in addition to paying a mortgage on her modest home. But, with her hard work in a local factory and doing side jobs sewing which she was very skilled at she managed to eventually pay off her home and send her daughter to college. She eventually retired in her late 60s following her daughter's marriage. Knowing this woman for so many years and the difficult life she lived following her husband's death which included various health issues and a stroke in her 80s, I never imagined she would outlive my parents let alone live to 94.
Dying young happens and I know this from first hand experience, but living old even when the cards are stacked against it like in the case of my mother's friend happens too. Personally I rather plan for living old than for dying young because living a potential 20 years in an impoverished state is a very sad state of existence.
Last year I attended a funeral of a woman that was one of my late mother's closest friends. She was age 94 at the time of her death and was age 44 just like me when she was widowed and left to support a 3 year old child. After my husband passed 16 years ago this woman came to visit me to offer condolences and support and shared with me her own experiences as a young widow. Her late husband was a clandestine spender and when he died he left her with a good deal of debt, and unknown to her cashed out his life insurance policy which left her no money to pay for his funeral. She told me which I never knew that my parents and other friends paid for her husband's funeral. Life was not easy for this woman following her husband's death with a child to support in addition to paying a mortgage on her modest home. But, with her hard work in a local factory and doing side jobs sewing which she was very skilled at she managed to eventually pay off her home and send her daughter to college. She eventually retired in her late 60s following her daughter's marriage. Knowing this woman for so many years and the difficult life she lived following her husband's death which included various health issues and a stroke in her 80s, I never imagined she would outlive my parents let alone live to 94.
Dying young happens and I know this from first hand experience, but living old even when the cards are stacked against it like in the case of my mother's friend happens too. Personally I rather plan for living old than for dying young because living a potential 20 years in an impoverished state is a very sad state of existence.
True on the planning, but I think people often gloss over the fact of folks dying early.
I'm one of the youngest, if not the youngest, frequent poster here. I know quite a few people my age and younger who have died of natural causes. Some cancers. An asthmatic. Rare diseases here and there. Couple of heart problems.
About 10% of my high school class from 2004 is already dead. Most of these were drug overdoses, or conditions brought on by drugs. A drunk driving death while we were still in high school. Some natural causes. Several suicides.
While many of these were "deaths of despair" and didn't have to happen, probably 3%-5% died of natural causes. If I could go back to a class in high school, random drawing of everyone, one of those was likely to be dead by 30, and it only accelerates from here.
Given where I am, maybe that death rate is higher. It probably is. With that said, it isn't rare. My great aunts/uncles/grandparents generation (70+) in my family is probably 75% deceased. Many died in their 60s or early 70s. My grandmother had eleven other siblings. Only three made it until at least 80. My mother has some health problems and I don't expect her to make to 70. My aunt's husband died of a heart attack while mowing at 55, no prior symptoms. He did smoke and was a bit overweight, but not huge and didn't have any other vices.
Aunt's husband was a very frugal person and he deferred anything costly to retirement, but he's not around to do it. You have to find some level of appropriate balance.
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) The view from rich is not the same as the view from poor. The view from couplehood is not the same as that from single. Important to share and learn from others while remembering that not every retired person has the same life station or experience that you do.
