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Old 02-01-2012, 10:24 AM
 
Location: Virginia Beach
8,346 posts, read 7,041,850 times
Reputation: 2874

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd View Post
Now that's what I'm talking about. True love--as hard as people try to explain it, as varied as the explanations, is just something you can't put one finger on, you just know when you find it. You won't have to ask anyone, you won't have to ask yourself even, you just know you know you know because when it hits, it's like being hit with a Mac truck--in a miserably good way.
Pretty much, that is how I felt when I fell in love with my wife, and I've never felt that with anyone else. I do believe I can fall for others, as I've come close, however, I will never be able to feel anything for anyone else like I feel with my wife.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:25 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,183,246 times
Reputation: 17797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd View Post
Chances are--and I'd be willing to bet on it--if you met someone you fell madly in love with, someone with whom you could not get enough, you would be very against an open relationship. I could be wrong, but I think that's what true love does to you.
This is basically saying that because I don't understand it or it doesn't work for me, it must not be real despite people telling you their direct experience. They could not possibly REALLY be in TRUE love whatever they may say.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:28 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,034,272 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
Full blown love isn't something that you hand to someone - it's something that happens between two people. It's something that grows.
Definitely. That's what confused me about the term 'being in love.' People talk about 'being in love' with people they barely even know, or haven't even spoken to! Isn't that just a crush though?

To me actually being truly, deeply in love with someone is more than a warm fuzzy feeling. It is a deep sense of connection, of unity, of loyalty and commitment. Yet the relationships between a lot of people my age do indeed seem fickle...and of course what pop culture spouts out, celebrating promiscuity. There are like no pop songs celebrating romantic love as in past eras, of sticking in it for each other, of growing old together.

I guess, sadly, if I can't pass that first hurdle I will never experience 'true love.' I believe many my age have not yet either. Sex has nothing to do with it. I mean getting into a relationship is nothing, really, but that special type? Is it merely a matter of familiarity, day after day?
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:32 AM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,000,387 times
Reputation: 9418
I've seen so many stories on open relationships brought to counseling (or Dr. Phil type shows) because one partner or the other secretly kept seeing a particular person and fell in love with them--apparently a no-no in ORs, to see someone behind the other's back or more than once or twice lest you fall in love with them. I realize the same can happen in a traditional marriage but at least in a traditional marriage, you don't have to worry and wonder if he's going to fall in love with the next person he has sex with because he's not supposed to be having sex with anyone else. LOL
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:34 AM
 
Location: Virginia Beach
8,346 posts, read 7,041,850 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd View Post
I've seen so many stories on open relationships brought to counseling (or Dr. Phil type shows) because one partner or the other secretly kept seeing a particular person and fell in love with them--apparently a no-no in ORs, to see someone behind the other's back or more than once or twice lest you fall in love with them. I realize the same can happen in a traditional marriage but at least in a traditional marriage, you don't have to worry and wonder if he's going to fall in love with the next person he has sex with because he's not supposed to be having sex with anyone else. LOL
Different open relationships, different rules.

The only true way my wife and I's relationship can fail is due to lack of communication. Which we've done a pretty good job of keeping up with communication so far.

We both recognize that we can fall for other people, it just comes with the territory. However, we will never be able to fall for others like we fell for each other.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:36 AM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,000,387 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phantasy Tokoro View Post
Different open relationships, different rules.

The only true way my wife and I's relationship can fail is due to lack of communication. Which we've done a pretty good job of keeping up with communication so far.

We both recognize that we can fall for other people, it just comes with the territory. However, we will never be able to fall for others like we fell for each other.
Well, may you never have to find out, the hard way, otherwise.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:36 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,034,272 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phantasy Tokoro View Post
Different open relationships, different rules.

The only true way my wife and I's relationship can fail is due to lack of communication. Which we've done a pretty good job of keeping up with communication so far.

We both recognize that we can fall for other people, it just comes with the territory. However, we will never be able to fall for others like we fell for each other.
You actually make it sound really romantic/natural...
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:37 AM
 
8,402 posts, read 24,218,555 times
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My attitude is that whatever works for you and your partner, you should do. There's a ~50% divorce rate here, so obviously marriage isn't the institution it once was. Of the remaining 50%, many of them feel trapped and unhappy. I know marriage isn't always fun and games, but I see no point in being unhappy on the whole. I'm a 45M and never been married.

I tried to explain this to a friend of mine. Sh'e been engaged at twice that I know of, one of which ended a week before her wedding. Then she was in an unhappy 2 year marriage, that left her broke, with trashed credit, and very unhappy. She considers herself to be very religious and when I press her on marriage and relationships she basically quotes bible verse as her reasoning. She sounds like she doesn't believe what she is saying, but it's all she knows. Her...interaction...with me suggests that she appreciates sex without deep emotional attachment, but even so she keeps saying that she can't understand why people want sex outside of marriage. When the topic of open marriage came up she looked as if I'd slapped her.

The point is that she has established an unrealistic relationship standard based on what she has been told, but yet it doesn't seem to be anything like what she really wants. So she will remain unhappy, because she can't accept the reality of her own personality.

My opinion is that if a couple is honest with each other, and enjoys sex with other people, then why not go for it? I think secrets and extreme compromise coupled with suppression of natural human desire cause most relationships to fail.
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:37 AM
 
Location: USA
31,010 posts, read 22,051,613 times
Reputation: 19067
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
Definitely. That's what confused me about the term 'being in love.' People talk about 'being in love' with people they barely even know, or haven't even spoken to! Isn't that just a crush though?
Unfortunately "Love" is an emotion. Making emotional decisions amost automatically implies the lack of logic.

The only time I see an example of lifetime "Love" ever working in its purist form whould be if you stayed with your first sweet heart forever. Almost any one else has been through multiple relationship exclaiming they were in love with that person. After they leave them they will exclaim that it really wasn't love and that the next one is.

Oh come on people "I am only in love with the current person I am with" is bull because you said the same thing about the last boyfriend or spouse. Convienient amnesia is what it is. Like they say! "Love is Blind"
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:38 AM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,645 posts, read 38,639,083 times
Reputation: 11780
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
So you think that all there is to marriage is sex? I am glad I am not married to you!
I'd like to know where you got the notion that I believe all there is to marriage is sex. You didn't get it from any of my posts.

I believe sex, and sex with your spouse only, is an integral part of a marriage, and if you take sex outside the marriage, it pretty much renders the marriage a sham.

I'm glad I'm not married to you as well. Your comprehension skills seem quite limited.
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