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Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
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5 months ago we moved to rural Missouri from California, no regrets, would do the same move again if life did a reset.....
Miss a few people, but we've made new friends, and reacquainted with many cousins in the area. All in all love our move and retired life.
I returned last week from a week back in the Sacramento area that we moved form 2 1/2 years ago and found that I am so glad that we moved. I said all the way back on the first page or so of this thread that we don't regret moving, but this feeling was just so much more profound than "no regrets". I was so relieved to get out of there and back to our real HOME in TN. I was reminded of all the things I wanted to get away from (traffic, drought, sprawl, crowds, rudeness, aggressive drivers, high prices, personal stagnation) and the way that things are still the same, still the same attitudes and people still fighting over the same crap. Add to that I got to hear all the junk my family members are going through and everything in their lives that they want to change but can't because they're stuck in some strange quicksand of inertia. Whenever anyone asked how we were doing, I felt too guilty to say that we are blissfully happy and have never been so satisfied in our lives. I would just say that we're happy and doing fine. They probably thought I was covering up, but really the only thing I was covering was how glad I was to be able to leave their troubles behind me when I left. I still can't shake the awful feelings I got from my visit.
Thank you, thank you all for your help. I am really at wits end and Christmas does not help. For the first time in my life, I do not see a light at the end of the tunnel. I have been through issues before and always knew they would change or improve. This time, it's the end. I am so unhappy and can not wait for the Christmas season to be over.
I though about taking a trip back to PA, especially now, with the cold and snow, But the weather is "nicer" in PA and I am concern that I would not return, causing more issues in my life.
I wish and pray that we can go back one year and start over. I would not leave PA. If your thinking about moving, remember to think many times and then wait. I can not believe I have done this to myself.
OK, for the first time in the two years I've lived here, I am seriously thinking of how I could get back to Philly. Christmas/Christmas Eve has sent me into a huge depression. Despite all the great "friends" I have made down here, ones who made sure I had a place to go the previous two Christmases, I wasn't invited anywhere this year. How depressins is that! They know I am alone here with no family, which is why they took particular care to include me the last two years. I don't know what I did or what changed, but I am NOT going through this again next year. All the nice weather in the world can't make up for feeling lonely and depressed on Christmas. Mind you, I'm in an over-55 community so there are lots of folks here without families. This is when I start getting my back up and deciding "scr*w 'em", I'll just sell this place and move back Problem is, financially....I know I'd never be able to buy another place, and it would be more expensive to rent than I'm paying now in condo fees and taxes....but then again I'd have an extra $100K from the sale of the condo. I don't know, I guess I'll get over it, but it sucks.
Finally, at the last minute, one of my friends texted me to ask me over for a small group dinner tomorrow. She knew I didn't have anywhere to go, so that was sweet of her. But again, it was a last-minute add.
Maybe as you recommended to SE Regret, I myself should spend a week up there looking at apartments and see how it feels again.
OK, for the first time in the two years I've lived here, I am seriously thinking of how I could get back to Philly. Christmas/Christmas Eve has sent me into a huge depression. Despite all the great "friends" I have made down here, ones who made sure I had a place to go the previous two Christmases, I wasn't invited anywhere this year. How depressins is that! They know I am alone here with no family, which is why they took particular care to include me the last two years. I don't know what I did or what changed, but I am NOT going through this again next year. All the nice weather in the world can't make up for feeling lonely and depressed on Christmas. Mind you, I'm in an over-55 community so there are lots of folks here without families. This is when I start getting my back up and deciding "scr*w 'em", I'll just sell this place and move back Problem is, financially....I know I'd never be able to buy another place, and it would be more expensive to rent than I'm paying now in condo fees and taxes....but then again I'd have an extra $100K from the sale of the condo. I don't know, I guess I'll get over it, but it sucks.
Finally, at the last minute, one of my friends texted me to ask me over for a small group dinner tomorrow. She knew I didn't have anywhere to go, so that was sweet of her. But again, it was a last-minute add.
Maybe as you recommended to SE Regret, I myself should spend a week up there looking at apartments and see how it feels again.
I am sorry you are going through that. I can relate, tho I did not relocate, I have depression at holiday time because of no family.
I have had to think about how I extend myself in friendships. Do I invite people over? Maybe not for a holiday dinner, but for an anytime dinner. Have I invited them to go shopping, out to lunch, see a movie, etc. Since the people in your neighborhood have invited you twice, have you been able to invite them to something? Friendship is a two-way street.
Hope your dinner today provides you with some contentment.
I returned last week from a week back in the Sacramento area that we moved form 2 1/2 years ago and found that I am so glad that we moved. I said all the way back on the first page or so of this thread that we don't regret moving, but this feeling was just so much more profound than "no regrets". I was so relieved to get out of there and back to our real HOME in TN. I was reminded of all the things I wanted to get away from (traffic, drought, sprawl, crowds, rudeness, aggressive drivers, high prices, personal stagnation) and the way that things are still the same, still the same attitudes and people still fighting over the same crap. Add to that I got to hear all the junk my family members are going through and everything in their lives that they want to change but can't because they're stuck in some strange quicksand of inertia. Whenever anyone asked how we were doing, I felt too guilty to say that we are blissfully happy and have never been so satisfied in our lives. I would just say that we're happy and doing fine. They probably thought I was covering up, but really the only thing I was covering was how glad I was to be able to leave their troubles behind me when I left. I still can't shake the awful feelings I got from my visit.
this has been the same experience for me moving from NY to Northwest Arkansas.
I returned last week from a week back in the Sacramento area that we moved form 2 1/2 years ago and found that I am so glad that we moved. I said all the way back on the first page or so of this thread that we don't regret moving, but this feeling was just so much more profound than "no regrets". I was so relieved to get out of there and back to our real HOME in TN. I was reminded of all the things I wanted to get away from (traffic, drought, sprawl, crowds, rudeness, aggressive drivers, high prices, personal stagnation) and the way that things are still the same, still the same attitudes and people still fighting over the same crap. Add to that I got to hear all the junk my family members are going through and everything in their lives that they want to change but can't because they're stuck in some strange quicksand of inertia. Whenever anyone asked how we were doing, I felt too guilty to say that we are blissfully happy and have never been so satisfied in our lives. I would just say that we're happy and doing fine. They probably thought I was covering up, but really the only thing I was covering was how glad I was to be able to leave their troubles behind me when I left. I still can't shake the awful feelings I got from my visit.
Some things you didn't like about Sacramento are true objectively, such as the traffic congestion and the high prices. But I was struck that you apparently associate "personal stagnation" and "inertia" with that geographical location. Or perhaps that is not what you intended to say?
It seems to me that personal characteristics such as personal stagnation and inertia are to be associated more with individuals and their specific family culture than with their location. In other words, the particular family members in whom you noticed those problems live in the Sacramento area, but are their problems caused by living there?
Having lived in Southern California from 1958 to 1962 and then again from 1966 to the present, personal stagnation and inertia are the last things I associate in my mind with the state of California, although I certainly admit that among the millions of people who live in this state there must be plenty who can be described that way. Every state certainly has them.
I am happy for you that your new location suits you so well. I only wish more people felt that way, because we have too many people in California. I would submit that there are good reasons for this over-crowding.
The personal stagnation referred to myself and my DH and our lives pre-move. We seemed stuck in an endless loop of "been there, done that". We needed new places, new sights, new people, and new activities to fill our time. Was it Sacramento/NorCal? Partly (politics, etc), and partly it was internal. As for inertia, that refers to my family and is just my personal view of the churning drama in their lives and it just seems that more than 2 years later they were right where they were before we left. Not a thing having to do with "place", but something that we are glad to be away from nonetheless. Suddenly health issues are forcing some changes in their lives, but in a "we have to do this" way, not a "we want to do this now" way. My heart goes out to them for their trials, but change is harder for some, and I hope a year from now I can say that things are better.
That is hard part of why we regret. We moved here to be close to our two daughters and five grandchildren. Why do we feel this way? we vacation her trough the years, but both of us miss home. we came from Philadelphia area, lived there all our lives, same town. We thought this was a no brainer, but the heart wants to move back.
This. I'd wager not more than a handful of posters on the retirement forum have lived their entire lives in the same state, let alone the same town. You and your wife are experiencing a severe case of homesickness. I am confident there is a way for you to return to Bucks County should you choose to do so. The question is not how to make it happen but rather how much effort are you willing to exert to adopt Bluffton as your new home.
I am sorry you are going through that. I can relate, tho I did not relocate, I have depression at holiday time because of no family.
I have had to think about how I extend myself in friendships. Do I invite people over? Maybe not for a holiday dinner, but for an anytime dinner. Have I invited them to go shopping, out to lunch, see a movie, etc. Since the people in your neighborhood have invited you twice, have you been able to invite them to something? Friendship is a two-way street.
Hope your dinner today provides you with some contentment.
Merry Christmas!!
I agree with what you're saying to Avalon here. If the last two years I'd been invited to dinner at a friend's home for the holidays, I would think that in the spirit of reciprocity and sharing, it would be my turn to do the dinner, and plan it early enough to invite people before they made other plans. Friendship is a two way street and now that they are no longer strangers in their new place, it's time to be on the giving end of the relationships.
I have no words of wisdom to contribute here, but hope that all of us do whatever needs to be done in order to enjoy retirement.
The years of retirement are supposed to be our "golden years". For all of us, I wish many years of happiness, peace, and contentment.
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