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Old 03-17-2009, 06:40 AM
 
Location: Ouachita Mtns of Arkansas
1,923 posts, read 2,545,501 times
Reputation: 3521

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Yall have me going now!!!

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional
booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times
to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, 'Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this
side either.
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Old 03-17-2009, 07:54 AM
 
Location: Fordyce Arkansas
1,269 posts, read 2,066,957 times
Reputation: 1496
After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office."Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck.""Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."
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Old 03-17-2009, 05:38 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
929 posts, read 2,341,130 times
Reputation: 691
What happen to the pictures on some of funnies reckon? They where there and now are gone! I guess pictures weren't allowed?
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Old 03-17-2009, 05:42 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
929 posts, read 2,341,130 times
Reputation: 691
A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says6 Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident. The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing 'That's horrible.'Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and,there is that risk involved.'After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, 'How many is a Brazilian? '

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Old 03-18-2009, 12:11 AM
 
Location: Conway, Arkansas
108 posts, read 342,917 times
Reputation: 102
LOL, these are great, I don't hear enough of them to add my own, but PLEASE keep adding them! I love it! Great idea Rainbow
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Old 03-18-2009, 04:58 AM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
929 posts, read 2,341,130 times
Reputation: 691
Quote:
Originally Posted by BABsMom View Post
LOL, these are great, I don't hear enough of them to add my own, but PLEASE keep adding them! I love it! Great idea Rainbow
Thanks. I enjoy it too.
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Old 03-18-2009, 06:20 AM
 
9,727 posts, read 3,445,275 times
Reputation: 10761
A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.

The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAIN CYANIDE!"

He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of the watermelons.

The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"
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Old 03-19-2009, 07:04 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
929 posts, read 2,341,130 times
Reputation: 691
]sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game (whose head gear
partially blocked the view), three men decided to badger the nuns in an
effort to get them to move. In a very loud voice, the first guy said, 'i
think i'm going to move to utah. There are only 100 nuns living there.'

the second guy spoke up and said, 'i want to go to montana; there are only
5o nuns living there.'

the third guy said, 'i want to go to idaho; there are only 25 nuns living
there.'

one of the sweet little nuns turned around, looked at the men and in a
kind, calm, voice said, 'why don't you go to hell? There aren't any nuns
there.'
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Old 03-20-2009, 06:46 AM
 
9,727 posts, read 3,445,275 times
Reputation: 10761
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?" "Yes," the boys mother answered.

"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.

"Who cares?" the mother replied.
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Old 03-20-2009, 08:00 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
929 posts, read 2,341,130 times
Reputation: 691
Have I allready done this one ?


Old Love
>>
>>
>>
>> A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite.
>>
>> He throws the kite up in the air, the wind
>>
>> catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to
>> earth.
>>
>> He tries this a few more times with no success.
>>
>> All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window,
>>
>> muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
>>
>> She opens the window and yells to her husband,
>>
>> 'You need a piece of tail.'
>>
>> The man turns with a confused look on his face and says,
>>
>> 'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.
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