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I agree 100%! Most of these "happily married" people who have been together for many years simply gave up on their goals, dreams, desires as individuals in order to make the marriage work.
I call baloney. My husband never would have made it through college if it weren't for our marriage. I finished 3 degrees while with him and now work as a scientist (life long dream). Who does that for people? Who makes the sacrifices to realize the dreams of another? Not your friends, not your colleagues. Only your parents (maybe) and your spouse. eta: When we got together I asked him what he wanted to do. What was his dream. He wanted to follow in his grandfather's footsteps (sugar chemist) and we set out to it.
Don't take this an insult but you've got to put that into perspective. Many people from your grandparents generation didn't marry because they really wanted to or really liked eachother, it was just supposed to get married at a certain age. The same goes for kids, even in my parents generation many children weren't truly desired, it was just supposed to have children. That was the way things worked. And divorce being such a taboo back then, no wonder these marriages last so long.
For example, if you ask my grandmother (she's 90) what she thinks about couples having just one child, she'll say it doesn't make sense, people should always have at least 2. And if you ask her to explain why she'll just say because that's the way it is. These older generations don't question these issues, they simply accept tradition as it has always been.
People are born, grow up, marry, have kids, never divorce and die. Why should it be like this? It doesn't matter (from their point of view).
Also, more couples are choosing not to have an offspring. It goes along just fine.
One other thing I have observed based on some of the comments here, is the fact that a lot of people marry because they are too insecure on their own or afraid of being lonely
It almost makes me think that marriage is VERY appealing to those who are not well adjusted and unstable emotionally. I like having someone in my life but I also love not having anyone, so having casual relationships and spending time with my female friends works just great for me right now.
Actually, IMO, having some good female friends can be way more exciting than being in a relationship, better yet if there are some benefits involved.
Don't take this an insult but you've got to put that into perspective. Many people from your grandparents generation didn't marry because they really wanted to or really liked eachother, it was just supposed to get married at a certain age. The same goes for kids, even in my parents generation many children weren't truly desired, it was just supposed to have children. That was the way things worked. And divorce being such a taboo back then, no wonder these marriages last so long.
Well, sure, but that doesn't mean my family is like that. I was talking about my family and why being part of it has helped me have a stronger marriage. I see what is possible. It's not roses and rainbows all the time, but then again that knowledge has helped me stick with the tough stages.
One other thing I have observed based on some of the comments here, is the fact that a lot of people marry because they are too insecure on their own or afraid of being lonely
It almost makes me think that marriage is VERY appealing to those who are not well adjusted and unstable emotionally. I like having someone in my life but I also love not having anyone, so having casual relationships and spending time with my female friends works just great for me right now.
Actually, IMO, having some good female friends can be way more exciting than being in a relationship, better yet if there are some benefits involved.
Obviously you've started this thread just to argue. Very childish and a pathetic way of getting attention. These people who posted here didn't have to waste their time replying.
Obviously you've started this thread just to argue. Very childish and a pathetic way of getting attention. These people who posted here didn't have to waste their time replying.
For those that don't know my backstory, I had been married and divorced 3 (count 'em!) 3 times, before I met the current and LAST Mrs Catfish...she is the true love of my life, and I'm thankful every day that I didn't go to some nameless saloon and drink a bunch of bitter-beer, because the first 3 didn't work out...
I coulda walked away after #3...coulda walked around cursing both women and the institution of marriage in general...coulda sworn nothing was wrong with MY a**, and EVERYTHING was wrong with THEM...Coulda---but I didn't!
In the 3 yrs that passed between #3 and Mrs Catfish, I did a lot of soul searching...I went over everything I did wrong in my 3 previous marriages, and any other relationships I had had prior to THEM...and I swore that if the right one came along, she was going to get the best possible me she could get, and not have to fight any ghosts or bitterness or baggage from my past...
And y'know what? It worked...met her in 2004, married her in 2007, been in the best physical, mental, and romantic shape of my life ever since...but, I say this with a caveat---that just because MY situation is fine, that doesn't mean everyone else's is...for those who are single and enjoy it and don't wish or want to get married, either now, in the future, or maybe not at all, I ain't mad atcha...do you...enjoy your life and your status, because it's the choice you made...
For those who are divorced...been there done that...what you make of life post-divorce is totally on you, should it be another marriage, or choosing to stay single...you won't get any flack from me because of your choices...for those of you who are in 'bad' relationships and marriages, keep your heads up...hold out hope that communication, or finances, or whatever or WHO-ever is souring your situation will improve over time...and in the end, if counseling or whatever thing you've tried to mend the fences isn't working, then provide yourself with an exit strategy...
But above all, I beseech you this one thing---don't get all flummoxed and start railing on that something 'sucks', when you've never even triedit...that goes whether it's deciding not to date, or not to get married...I can see and totally understand if you've tried it, and it didn't work, and you wanted to vent, but not trying it and arbitrarily saying it sucks just to hear your own voice...well, that makes absolutely no earthly sense to me
It sounds to me that the current Mrs. Catfish just got lucky... Good timing! Otherwise she would've been history like the others.
It's still admirable you saw your mistakes and changed. Most never do.
I agree 100%! Most of these "happily married" people who have been together for many years simply gave up on their goals, dreams, desires as individuals in order to make the marriage work. The whole idea of giving up on my dreams as an individual to make some relationship work makes absolutely no sense.
I wonder how many women in my grandparents generation had a healthy sexual life in their marriage, or even know what an orgasm feels like.
Also, the whole idea of having sex with the same person for 50 years is something my mind is not able or willing to process.
But lest say that what you have said in your first paragraph is true. Even so, you are here to tell the story. Right? It means that they sacrificed their lives so you, the great great grandchild, would exist...and didn't even think about it. But the reality of it is that most parents don't view their lives raising kids the same way you do (sacrifice, giving up their dreams, and so forth). They enjoy having the kids around and taking care of them, they enjoy sex as well as anybody else around. Why do you assume that "the grandparents generation din't have a healthy sexual life in their marriage, and how an orgasm felt like"? How about if people back then weren't tie-up to "orgasms" and other sexual pleasures, including internet porn, Hustler magazine, and all of these things like a lot of Americans seem to be? It it possible that they experienced lives that were in many ways, and nothing to do with sex, a lot more pleasurable than we can today, and that you are simply projecting your 'feelings" into the past assuming that these feelings were a reality in their lives?
Just think about this: in today's society, everything is about feeling good, instant gratification, sex here there and everywhere. What I remember of my grandparents are things that bring fund memories to my life. I remember their nurturing, how hard they worked at whatever they did, good-tasting food at the table, and so forth.
Last edited by RayinAK; 06-26-2011 at 06:59 PM..
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But lest say that what you have said in your first paragraph is true. Even so, you are here to tell the story. Right? It means that they sacrificed their lives so you, the great great grandchild, would exist...and didn't even think about it. But the reality of it is that most parents don't view their lives raising kids the same way you do (sacrifice, giving up their dreams, and so forth). They enjoy having the kids around and taking care of them, they enjoy sex as well as anybody else around. Why do you assume that "the grandparents generation din't have a healthy sexual life in their marriage, and how an orgasm felt like"? How about if people back then weren't tie-up to "orgasms" and other sexual pleasures, including internet porn, Hustler magazine, and all of these things like a lot of Americans seem to be? It it possible that they experienced lives that were in many ways, and nothing to do with sex, a lot more pleasurable than we can today, and that you are simply projecting your 'feelings" into the past assuming that these feelings were a reality in their lives?
