U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old Today, 10:29 AM
 
5 posts, read 184 times
Reputation: 10

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
In one day, or as a general life rule? Sounds exhausting either way. Maybe if you don't really know what you want, other than getting laid, it works though.
As a general rule. Iím assuming none of these guys with these issues are that attractive physically so you must improve your odds by going after as many woman as possible till one bites. Sitting back waiting for your soulmate to pop upis not gonna work.

Itís also for guys like me in their 40ís the age where your friends are all married with kids so the chances become less that you meet single woman through your social
circle like you do in your 30ís.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old Today, 10:29 AM
 
7,541 posts, read 11,654,985 times
Reputation: 8384
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
If I was a man, I wouldn't do anything sexual with a drunk woman I didn't know very well even if she initiated it. I think it's far too risky in that sense. The lines of consent become blurry and it can come back to bite you. I'd let her know I want to see her again, ask for her number instead and call her the next day to ask her out on a date or see if she still wanted to do what she was trying the night before.
I would tend to agree.

Though I can say that certainly wasn't the case 15 years ago.

We all went to bars and lounges with the explicit intent of meeting women, and ... a lot of women at bars and lounges are drunk.

I think back then, if you had sex with a woman and she wasn't of 100% clear mind, it could have been trouble. I never got close to that far anyway.

But even making out or attempted touching I could see being a problem in 2019. Makes it even trickier for some guys.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:30 AM
 
Location: Texas
9,956 posts, read 3,819,084 times
Reputation: 20306
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
T
- BE a positive, grateful and energetic person. Not present a positive, cheerful, charming exterior. BE positive, cheerful and grateful person. Not acting. Not playing. This is the hardest, most beneficial thing you will ever do in your life. But it is beyond true that it is not happy people who are grateful, but grateful people who are happy. By being this person, your self esteem will fall into line without your half realizing it. .
Someone can't just all of a sudden "be" this. It often takes years of therapy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:31 AM
 
5 posts, read 184 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
If sheís drunk and regrets it when she sobers up it doesnít matter what her threshold for attraction was the night before. If sheís uncomfortable over something I did, even after the fact, then Iím in the wrong; it means Iíve initiated a sexual encounter that she doesnít want. I personally donít think thatís fair (if it was, then drunk driving accidents might be something you should be able to wave your hands and regret away as well) but I accept the post-hoc nature of how alcohol-infused sexual activity is judged nowadays.

Moral of the story: it doesnít matter who initiates, donít engage with the drunk girl.



Oh, I donít think it happens very often at all, and Iím sure youíre still right with this statement.
If youíre both drunk why is the man more responsible?

Some of these unwritten rules we have treats woman like children who are
not capable of making adult decisions.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:32 AM
 
Location: Continental Europe
622 posts, read 111,621 times
Reputation: 1053
I mean, you might not be doing anything wrong and maybe she'd be OK with it in the morning, but how are you to know? And I don't think it happens too often but what if you had sex with someone who decides she is the victim in the situation because she was drunker than you thought she was and you felt she clearly gave consent but she doesn't agree.

But that's just what I would do as a guy. I can be quite cautious and would hate to be in that position of being falsely accused.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:36 AM
 
Location: Continental Europe
622 posts, read 111,621 times
Reputation: 1053
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg78 View Post
If you’re both drunk why is the man more responsible?

Some of these unwritten rules we have treats woman like children who are
not capable of making adult decisions.
I don't think that he is in the wrong if she gave her enthusiastic consent while drunk enough still to know what was going on. But I think from a legal standpoint it is risky if it comes back to bite you. She might decide she was drunker than he realised and therefore he took advantage. Nobody could prove it either way, it'd be a he said/she said. But do you want the headaches if the person turns out to be someone who doesn't have the same sense of what is her responsibility vs, yours, as you do. I think it's a minefield, personally.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:41 AM
 
810 posts, read 206,098 times
Reputation: 1065
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
I would say both.

First off, there's 'personality' in terms of walking into a house party in the city in your 20s, and talking to random women and trying to be able to entertain them and hold their attention. Otherwise known as 'charisma'.

And then there's 'personality' in terms of trying to flesh out whom you might connect with and potentially be able to spend long periods of time with. This is what really matters.

There's certainly women who are also 'academic, sometimes acerbic, uninteresting, nerdy, usually reserved, lacking in confidence, unremarkable' and if they are smart they'll be looking for someone like you. And they will be more so as they approach 40.

Unfortunately, the pool has dried up some then, but you definitely should be getting more shots than 10 years ago, no question.
The bolded statements are seemingly contradictory.

Looking for someone like me...like I said, I donít think thereís many women looking for someone like me, and guys like me are pretty easy to find...meaning the ones who are looking for someone like me, find someone like me (and probably a better version of me) before they meet me. Will this always be the case? I donít know. Maybe Iíve just been horrendously unlucky in my life on this front. If some people are naturally lucky (not supernaturally lucky, but statistically perform better than the average population in a given domain) it stands to reason that there are people who are naturally unlucky as well. For instance, for every person who draws face card pockets in Texas Hold ĎEm at better than the statistical average, thereís logically going to be be a corresponding person who draws 2-7 pockets at better than the statistical average as well. Maybe Iím the statistical reciprocal for a similar type of guy whoís had to shake women off of him all his life.

But if thatís the case, if there is a ďtypeĒ of woman who would be attracted to a guy like me, slim though the population slice such women might fall into, then maybe itís a matter of time before I meet such a unicorn. Maybe. But Iím definitely not getting more shots than 10 years ago, and I disagree with you that my chances improve with age. The times of life when women (and people in general) are most available, unattached, and looking (i.e., high school and college-aged) passed me by without anyone being interested in me; now that Iíve reached a stage in life when people are mostly attached, settled, and static, I do not think that I should be getting more shots than I would have had in college, and even if I did...Iíve got no natural instinct and intuition for this dating thing, and less experience than most high school kids (maybe even junior high school kids) to boot. Thatís a big 8-ball to be behind...the rare woman looking for someone like me, can probably find a better specimen than me pretty easily, and likely knows it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:47 AM
 
810 posts, read 206,098 times
Reputation: 1065
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
Well..IMO...only...my sex life would be greatly diminished if I was interrogated and judged whether capable of consenting to having sex if alcohol is involved, let alone initiating it. “Wait! You’ve been drinking! I don’t want to get in trouble here!” Is something I’ve never heard. I have to claim responsibility in my own actions, including the choice to drink.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
If I was a man, I wouldn't do anything sexual with a drunk woman I didn't know very well even if she initiated it. I think it's far too risky in that sense. The lines of consent become blurry and it can come back to bite you. I'd let her know I want to see her again, ask for her number instead and call her the next day to ask her out on a date or see if she still wanted to do what she was trying the night before.
Contradictions like this are why I err on the side of caution.

Not that I’ve had any opportunities to intimately interact with a drunk girl (or assault her, depending on your perspective), but I have been criticized for my conservatism in other regards, such as in my flat refusal to consider asking women out in the workplace, whether it’s her workplace, my workplace, or our workplace. It’s just not worth the ding if she decides that what I’ve done is inappropriate.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:48 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,692 posts, read 42,330,771 times
Reputation: 84255
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
I would say both.

First off, there's 'personality' in terms of walking into a house party in the city in your 20s, and talking to random women and trying to be able to entertain them and hold their attention. Otherwise known as 'charisma'.

And then there's 'personality' in terms of trying to flesh out whom you might connect with and potentially be able to spend long periods of time with. This is what really matters.

There's certainly women who are also 'academic, sometimes acerbic, uninteresting, nerdy, usually reserved, lacking in confidence, unremarkable' and if they are smart they'll be looking for someone like you. And they will be more so as they approach 40.

Unfortunately, the pool has dried up some then, but you definitely should be getting more shots than 10 years ago, no question.
LOL watching you unpack your theory about attraction and older women has been amusing, but then you level this ^^^ back-handed compliment at him.

Damn, son.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:50 AM
 
7,541 posts, read 11,654,985 times
Reputation: 8384
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
LOL watching you unpack your theory about attraction and older women has been amusing, but then you level this ^^^ back-handed compliment at him.

Damn, son.
It was actually taken from his description of himself.

Cut and pasted verbatim...

Also, not my theory about attraction and older women.. My theory about attraction and older people...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top