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Old Today, 11:40 AM
 
8,294 posts, read 6,090,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
If women want men who are extremely picky about who they are physically attracted to, those men do exist, yes. Typically, they are the very good looking guys.

But a lot of men are physically attracted to a wide range of women. If women want to make that one of their cutoffs, that's up to them.

Seems pretty arbitrary to me.
There's a difference between being attracted to a wide range of women and just being outright desperate to jump everything that moves. That kind of desperation is a turn off to many.

I don't see women being turned off by someone who finds a wide range of women attractive. If anything, that could be seen as having an "open mind".

I'm attracted to a wide range of women. I find somewhat thin women attractive to somewhat "thick" women attractive. I find women of a wide range of heights attractive, but I tend to gravitate towards the taller women (close to my height).

I like women who are younger and older than me, but I err towards the older side. I'd only go about 5 years younger. For older, I'd go a little further down the line.

For me, I like a woman that is close to my age, ideally.


A guy that desperately attempts to hump anything and everything he sees is not going to be a turn on to many women. For one thing, it communicates a lack of control and perhaps an issue with priorities.
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Old Today, 11:41 AM
 
821 posts, read 206,098 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
At Arms Length, don't apologise for being a respectful person. Not saying that Rbccl dates disrespectful men but I think there's not anything creepy or offensive about your stance.
I don’t bear her any ill-well. If caution in a guy turns her off, then so be it. I get to set my comfort zone as well, and I have to be true to myself. It’s typically a disaster if I let other people force me out of my comfort zone (rather than breaching it myself on my own). So, I don’t feel bad for my position on this. It’s just another card to be dealt in a potential dating situation...would it be better for me to shoot for an ace, or a 2? Which one will work better for her hand? Doesn’t matter, I can’t control which one matches her easier; I make my choice and stand by it, not caring what’s in her hand. If she beats me and takes the pot because of it, so be it.
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Old Today, 11:53 AM
 
821 posts, read 206,098 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harry Hemi View Post
If you became a gym rat and got yourself some tone and a flatter stomach, since youre tall, then wore clothes to show that off, the women would make sure you noticed them. At that point you can quickly try out everything you read about how to keep a woman attracted. You get some tone and it wouldnt matter what your hobbies were.

But you have to put in the work.
Maybe. And maybe I would spend hundreds of hours in the gym for nothing (since that would be my only reason for working out that hard), because as people keep saying, lots of women arenít as attracted to appearance as they are to personality, and getting ripped isnít going to change my personality. I have eyes, I look around, I can see guys who donít have as much going for them in the looks department having success with women...theyíve clearly got something going for them that I donít, and Iím guessing for a good chunk of them itís an engaging, charismatic personality. Getting ripped isnít going to grow me one of those.

And even if it worked, again...would I really want to be with a woman who was interested in me because Iíve worked hard at things I didnít really want to do or achieve? If she likes me because Iím suddenly a muscle man, but I donít like spending the kind of time and effort it takes to maintain that physique...Iíd be setting myself up for failure.

So no. If my personality shifts and I just really love going to the gym for hours and hours every week, sure, my opinion might change. But for now, Iím not going to be working out just so women will notice me more, especially when thatís not even a forgone conclusion based on my unattractiveness in other, non-physical regards.
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Old Today, 11:54 AM
 
8,294 posts, read 6,090,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
Iíd tend to agree with you.

Iím still not going to cross these unwritten rules. I have experience with being falsely accused of inappropriate behavior in the workplace by someone trying to get me fired. If events had unfolded differently in that situation it could have permanently cost me my career and possibly even led to charges being filed. So, I tend to be very sensitive to how what I do and say could be misconstrued by someone with ill-intent. Feeling up a drunk girl who comes and sits on my lap and starts feeling me up definitely falls into that category, particularly because that would be extremely anomalous behavior of a woman towards me.
I myself have dealt with false accusations (but nothing sexual), I know the headaches that any type of false accusations can cause. And the messed up thing about the false accusations I went through is that the false accuser is automatically believed even with evidence on the contrary. However, there is also the other issue I went through when everyone believed me but they (the ones that believed me) still penalized me because the person accused me. WTF???
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Old Today, 11:57 AM
 
8,294 posts, read 6,090,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
People keep telling me this...that ďIíll knowĒ...



Well, ****.



Well, double ****.

See, contradictions. Kinda damned if I do, damned if I donít. But between ďdamned as an offensive, possibly creepy, stand-offish guy afraid of da wimminzĒ and ďdamned as a sexual assault perpetratorĒ I choose the former.


Hereís another rumination...what if my chance at getting experience comes as a result of liquid courage on her part?

Probably a shot in the dark, but this is the kind of stuff that I (over)think about.
You'll get past it.

Believe me, I used to do a lot of ruminating in my life. It's a phase.
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Old Today, 12:02 PM
 
821 posts, read 206,098 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
I myself have dealt with false accusations (but nothing sexual), I know the headaches that any type of false accusations can cause. And the messed up thing about the false accusations I went through is that the false accuser is automatically believed even with evidence on the contrary. However, there is also the other issue I went through when everyone believed me but they (the ones that believed me) still penalized me because the person accused me. WTF???
Because it doesn’t matter who’s right, it matters who’s first to press with the story.

If you’re old enough to remember the 90’s, I’ve got a thought experiment for you. What is the first thing that pops into your mind when you read this name: Richard Jewell. My guess is, if you recognize it at all, your first gut reaction was as a type of criminal. He was accused, and later exonerated, but the media went nuts and basically ruined his life. It didn’t matter to him what the true story was, it mattered what the first story was. Ever after he was also known as “Hey, isn’t that the guy who bombed the Atlanta Olympics? Oh wait, he didn’t really do that, did he?” He dealt with bias for the rest of his life, even though people knew he was innocent, because their first, gut reaction to him was based on the first stories they heard of him: that he orchestrated the bombing to indulge a hero complex.
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Old Today, 12:09 PM
 
7,717 posts, read 3,027,184 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
There's a difference between being attracted to a wide range of women and just being outright desperate to jump everything that moves. That kind of desperation is a turn off to many.

I don't see women being turned off by someone who finds a wide range of women attractive. If anything, that could be seen as having an "open mind".

I'm attracted to a wide range of women. I find somewhat thin women attractive to somewhat "thick" women attractive. I find women of a wide range of heights attractive, but I tend to gravitate towards the taller women (close to my height).

I like women who are younger and older than me, but I err towards the older side. I'd only go about 5 years younger. For older, I'd go a little further down the line.

For me, I like a woman that is close to my age, ideally.


A guy that desperately attempts to hump anything and everything he sees is not going to be a turn on to many women. For one thing, it communicates a lack of control and perhaps an issue with priorities.
Yes! That has been the case for me more than once. Iíll accuse: ďI bet you you say that to alllll the ďgirlsĒ...
And when I find out Iím right = zero attraction. Even if it could have been genuine, I More than once have found myself in the position of telling someone I donít want to be a Ďgroupieí. It is not their job to make every woman feel beautifuló at least not in my presence. I donít care how that makes me look, if I donít like it I donít have to deal with that, and I donít.

I may have Even be triggered by that situation of numbers game you posted, because I have felt like it has ruined some great possibilities, their inability to ďnarrow the fieldĒ, if you will.
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Old Today, 12:10 PM
 
8,294 posts, read 6,090,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
Maybe. And maybe I would spend hundreds of hours in the gym for nothing (since that would be my only reason for working out that hard), because as people keep saying, lots of women arenít as attracted to appearance as they are to personality, and getting ripped isnít going to change my personality. I have eyes, I look around, I can see guys who donít have as much going for them in the looks department having success with women...theyíve clearly got something going for them that I donít, and Iím guessing for a good chunk of them itís an engaging, charismatic personality. Getting ripped isnít going to grow me one of those.

And even if it worked, again...would I really want to be with a woman who was interested in me because Iíve worked hard at things I didnít really want to do or achieve? If she likes me because Iím suddenly a muscle man, but I donít like spending the kind of time and effort it takes to maintain that physique...Iíd be setting myself up for failure.

So no. If my personality shifts and I just really love going to the gym for hours and hours every week, sure, my opinion might change. But for now, Iím not going to be working out just so women will notice me more, especially when thatís not even a forgone conclusion based on my unattractiveness in other, non-physical regards.
Yeah, different women are going to be attracted to different things. With attraction in general, there are different levels. There is the primary attraction, then there are the other attractions. For instance, there are women that are attracted to looks primarily with personality kinda taking a backseat to that. Most women I've talked to tend to be more attracted to me when I am a little more 'preoccupied' (with goals and certain productive pursuits) than when I am 'idle'.

Personality is going to play a major part in attraction. A lot of us mistake personality for "being nice". We tend to play up that niceness to the point that women either do not develop romantic interest or any romantic interest is nullified. In other words, because we rely on our niceness, women rather play patty cake with us. Women tend to go for a "strong" personality. Someone who is bold and deliberate. Someone who takes charge (not in an overly dominant way). Someone who at least has an idea of what he wants and goes for it.

It also helps to be 'solid' in your body language when talking to a woman. I say boldness is something that tends to be successful more than niceness.

I believe the best chance at success comes from knowing who you are and owning it. It also helps to stand out and allow what is unique (as long as it is not harmful) to show.
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Old Today, 12:14 PM
 
8,294 posts, read 6,090,529 times
Reputation: 5886
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
Because it doesnít matter whoís right, it matters whoís first to press with the story.

If youíre old enough to remember the 90ís, Iíve got a thought experiment for you. What is the first thing that pops into your mind when you read this name: Richard Jewell. My guess is, if you recognize it at all, your first gut reaction was as a type of criminal. He was accused, and later exonerated, but the media went nuts and basically ruined his life. It didnít matter to him what the true story was, it mattered what the first story was. Ever after he was also known as ďHey, isnít that the guy who bombed the Atlanta Olympics? Oh wait, he didnít really do that, did he?Ē He dealt with bias for the rest of his life, even though people knew he was innocent, because their first, gut reaction to him was based on the first stories they heard of him: that he orchestrated the bombing to indulge a hero complex.
Key point right there.

And your second paragraph, believe me, I think of that a lot. Even if you are proven innocent, you are very likely to have that mark on your reputation until the day you die.
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Old Today, 12:24 PM
 
6 posts, read 184 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
Yes! That has been the case for me more than once. Iíll accuse: ďI bet you you say that to alllll the ďgirlsĒ...
And when I find out Iím right = zero attraction. Even if it could have been genuine, I More than once have found myself in the position of telling someone I donít want to be a Ďgroupieí. It is not their job to make every woman feel beautifuló at least not in my presence. I donít care how that makes me look, if I donít like it I donít have to deal with that, and I donít.

I may have Even be triggered by that situation of numbers game you posted, because I have felt like it has ruined some great possibilities, their inability to ďnarrow the fieldĒ, if you will.
Sounds like youíre talking about players. Iím talking about not very attractive social awkward dudes who canít attract woman.

I think where the disconnect comes in for woman in the numbers game is the fact that their the ones for the most part who get approached men are the approachers so the gender that gets approached isnít gonna understand why someone who has to play the numbers game who has problems attracting woman and can sit back and be patient like woman.

You used the word ďnarrow the fieldĒ thatís only a issue with players who are attractive to woman.

These struggling guys arent trying to narrow the field, there is no field for them lol there simply trying to get A date.
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